Once or twice a year, you might find yourself re-downloading your go-to dating apps with a tinge of hope, a tinge of promise, and a tinge of exasperation. This might happen after you've had a few failed coffee dates, or when all your previous matches have ended. Naturally, you'll want to get back out there and see who you can find for a fun first date, sexy situation—and maybe even long-term love.
When you reopen Hinge or Bumble, you'll usually feel a rush of excitement as you scroll through some interesting leads, like a cute artist who lives a mile away, a grad student who shares your interests, or someone you're in a relationship with. Rugged travelers with a common interest. It seems like they might be in a bad mood. But then, inevitably, your eyes land on your dating-app nemesis, and you instantly hear a cacophony of “ boom-boom-boom …” echoing in your head.
The biggest enemy on dating apps is the person who has been lurking among your potential matches for years. You see them regularly and over time you begin to develop a dysfunctional relationship. You instantly recognize their profile photo—it’s the one they’ve had since 2021—and you can’t help but wonder why they never gave you a chance.
Would they rather be single than swipe right? Are they robots? Are they ignoring you on purpose? Just like that, you're annoyed by the idea of a dating app.
What is the enemy of dating apps?
On TikTok, people have been talking about the dating app nemesis, and it's so relatable. On March 31, creator @megruocco posted a video about her experience with a dating app, saying: “For the past three to four years, I’ve had a dating app nemesis. This Someone I’ve matched with and re-matched with, I’d say more than ten times.”
She went on to say that she eventually gave the man her phone number as a way to take things to the next stage, but he never texted her. Finally, they agree to go on a date, but only after she gives him an ultimatum that he must meet or she will unmatch him forever.
In her comments, one person said, "This will either be the best date of your life or it'll be so bad you need to change states," while another said, "I love my dating app nemesis." The will-they-or-won’t-they’ vibe was really fun.”
"My dating app nemesis himself is so disappointing," admitted another, while someone else said, "There was an episode of 30 Rock about this. You've found your Wesley."
In her video, Ruocco guessed that there was about an 85% chance that the man would ghost her, but in a follow-up video, she shared that they ended up going on a date — which she noted was fine. She even confessed that she was sad that their back-and-forth saga was over.
It does seem like haters can come in many forms, but they almost always end in disappointment. There are people who match you but never make an appointment, there are rivals who finally agreed to meet but failed to realize your fantasies, there are people who you have seen a hundred times on Hinge in five years but never matched with each other. This is the rarest of them all.
Do we all have a dating app enemy?
Ruocco's video went viral and has been viewed nearly 450,000 times, proving she's definitely not the only one telling the story of her dating-app nemesis.
“Last year, my friend went on a few dates with a guy I’d seen on Hinge before,” says Theresa*, a 30-year-old New York City teacher. "I initially swiped left because I didn't find him attractive, and he's come back to me a few times since then."
Teresa said her nemesis has since updated his photo to refresh his profile. "It looked like he was having a great time backpacking in Southeast Asia," she tells Bustle. "I'm still not interested, especially since my friends don't have glowing reviews of him, but it's still kind of fun to see him around."
Then there's Marianne*, 33, who says she keeps seeing the same faces over and over again. "Sometimes I'll soften up and match just to see what Hinge is all about," she tells Bustle. "100% of the time, the conversation goes nowhere and I feel justified in not being matched with them. Thankfully, I'm definitely smarter than Hinge when it comes to figuring out what kind of guy I like."
Gemma*, 34, also has a dating app nemesis, saying she can't believe they never changed their profile photos in all the years they circled each other on the app. "Like, update your photos," she told Busy. "You've always been here!"
If you have a dating app nemesis, you'll want to know what exactly they're looking for and whether they can find it. Maybe one day you'll go through the story of enemies to lovers, eventually swiping right, meeting, falling in love, and deleting the app all at the same time—perhaps on your wedding day.
*Name has been changed.
