I heard about the "Tomato Girl" aesthetic today and my first thought was gross, I hate tomatoes , my second thought was wait, what the hell is that ? Of course, I'm familiar with this legend. Hot girl summer turns into Christian girl fall. Coastal grandmothers and cowgirls make sourdough, brushing windswept hair from their faces and smiling and sipping white wine. Mouse Girl posts depression memes to keep you reading and chasing down their gummy multivitamins with swigs of watery iced lattes. A gentle girl with hairless armpits and a Russian manicure mixes some superfood powder into her morning smoothie bowl.
I'm not going to stick my donut nails in other people's business, but "Tomato Girl" stopped me in my tracks. Who is this tomato girl? Is it Streganona? I can't help but wonder, are we all just girls living in an aesthetic world?
If so, I'm a mozzarella girl . I'm a crowd pleaser, I'm the ultimate vibe. I can dress up or down, and I'm as satisfied with a frozen pizza and an entire Bridgerton season as I am with a decadent four-course meal and an evening at the opera. Blood sugar is low and you need a snack while you're thinking about what to make for dinner? I was there. I do get a little salty sometimes. Sometimes I'm indecisive and can't decide on a plan. But I'm mozzarella, baby, I'm everything you want. I often fly under the radar simply because I'm perfect.
Basil girls are truly happiest outdoors, especially on rainy days in the summer. They have excellent taste but love the simple things in life. They have a garden, always recycle (yes, even rinse the yogurt cups and peel off the labels, congratulations), and probably love animals more than people. They literally wore the same five outfits. They always go to bed early, but inevitably get up at 2 a.m. to pee and can’t help but scroll through their phones for 30 minutes. They go barefoot more than anyone else, bathe every other night and tuck their hair into unheated curls in socks. If Glossier stopped making Cloud Paint, they'd cry.
Ciabatta girls are resentful and a little insecure (yet adorable). They will get drunk and hold a grudge against anyone, but only at night. They develop elaborate plans but often reduce them to manageable scope when the plans are actually implemented. Without a doubt, they are the best people to go on vacation with because they force you to step out of your comfort zone and help you get rid of any stress you bring. Ciabatta girls are strong and will push your boundaries, but they know your limits, even if they don't always know their own.
The crushed pepper girl is so exquisite. They actually have a budget and are actively investing and diversifying their portfolios. Capricorn plays an important role in their birth charts. Everything you’re “supposed” to do? They are doing it. They'll correct your grammar, tip you 20%, and have a Tide to-Go pen in their Gucci wallet. They avoid looking at screens an hour before bed. They have bedtime. They don't deviate from their daily routine because they know that if they miss a gratitude journal, they'll be completely devastated. It's only happened twice before, but still.
The Artichoke Girls have often talked about going to Burning Man, but haven’t made the trip yet. It’s hard to find that much time at work, you know? They always have the best playlists and are happy to meet you. They majored in some very technical and boring majors but dropped out of the field entirely after two years working a desk job they hated. They watch van life videos on YouTube all day, and they don't wake up earlier than 11 a.m., it's biological. They'll tell you exactly what you need to hear, but you won't realize it for years. Each of their tattoos are completely random. They will water your plants while you are away.
There's only one roll of Salami Girls , and most of it is filled with loud laughs. They are always trying to plan a girls trip. They have a vague corporate job that pays well, but they often wear clothes with holes or stains that they don't notice until they go out. They have an encyclopedic knowledge of movie quotes, will obsess over social media for months at a time, and buy random things because they “found a really good deal!” They have Brene Brown hanging around their apartment Many famous sayings.
The Kalamata Olive girl has a warm personality, a bit passive-aggressive, but has a big heart. They're always the ones who performatively text "Here!" It's a full 15 minutes earlier than the time you agreed to meet. They cry when they drink more than two glasses of red wine. The best way to keep them happy is tough love. They keep rewatching Grey's Anatomy They have a big one-way stage. They have been considering graduate school for the past decade.
