Whether you love it or hate it, you almost certainly have an opinion about oral sex, especially when it comes to giving it. Sometimes you're interested, sometimes you're not, sometimes you just concentrate on not gagging if your partner has a penis, and sometimes you just perform oral sex so you can get some of your own in return. Just like any other sexual act, how a woman feels about oral sex or cunnilingus often depends on her mood.
Society's views on oral sex have changed over time. The 1993 Janus Sexual Behavior Report , the first major sex study since Masters and Johnson in the 1960s, found that only 18% of women surveyed preferred oral sex when reaching orgasm. However, a small 2012 study of just 43 participants suggests that attitudes may be changing. In this study, 75% of the subjects had a positive view of oral sex when having an orgasm or even just experiencing pleasure.
The mouth is not just about physical sensations, but also about other factors. For example, there are power dynamics and vulnerabilities during oral sex. Sometimes, the person receiving oral sex feels pleased but also vulnerable. The Giver, meanwhile, has almost all the power in this situation, even though the actions they perform usually do not bring them any direct physical pleasure. For some people (even those who aren't particularly fond of the act of oral sex), it's the power imbalance in oral sex that makes them uncomfortable - further proof that sex isn't just physical, but also involves our emotional impressions and feeling. But other times, the power dynamic is reversed—especially when people feel obligated to perform oral sex on their partner, even though they may have no interest in doing so.
Since oral sex can be emotionally and physically complicated for a number of reasons, Bustle asked women what they think about oral sex (regardless of gender), and their answers didn't disappoint. Opinions on this topic vary widely, from a deep enthusiasm for oral expression, to somewhere between disinterest and outright apathy, to outright disdain for the practice.
Here are 16 women who get real about what they think about oral sex and why they feel the way they do.
1. Some women only enjoy oral sex if they really like their partner
Hannah, 26, doesn't usually enjoy oral sex. "I don't like oral sex. I hate it. A lot of men just look forward to it. Honestly, I don't want your genitals in my mouth. Especially if the man is one of those guys who puts his head down and tries to force you on it isn't going to work . But I’ve met two people, and only two, who I had absolutely no problem doing.”
2. Some women enjoy their partners
Yese, 23, was thrilled with her partner's reaction. "I love doing this to my boyfriend! Especially because I know he loves doing it."
3. Some people have super sensitive gag reflexes
Joy, 35, had a specific request. "Only in this case, the smaller the penis, the better. I hate gagging on my head!"
4. Some people wish they had more
Sabrina, 27, misses oral sex. "I really love it and it's a staple when it goes well with a partner. It's not a staple in my sex life at the moment, which is really frustrating to me. It feels like Something important was missing and it wasn't left out of my choice, but out of his preference (I know it wasn't for lack of skill on my part!)... He told me he just didn't like it that much, he said. It's the same with his ex-girlfriend... I'm glad he enjoys sex, but it definitely makes sex seem boring without having your head on the table, I mean, there's only so many ways [you can have sex]."
5. Some people make love a prerequisite for oral sex
Mieko, 34, found the act intimate. "If it's someone I love, I'd be happy to do it; I'd enjoy doing it. But with someone I'm not that into, absolutely not. Having sex is a little different than oral sex. Oral sex is just a little more personal. "
6. Others just want their partners to feel good
Sonia, 20, wondered what it would be like to have oral sex on a vagina. "Oral sex to me means going down on my boyfriend who has a penis, it's something I do because it turns him on. There's no inherent pleasure in oral sex to me, other than the fact that I love him and I want him to feel Well, you know what? This might be pure fantasy, but I feel like I'd rather go down on someone with a vagina, and I'm bisexual but have mostly dated men."
7. Some people want to make sure they’re having oral sex for the right reasons
Tea, 30, has begun investigating the motivations behind oral sex. "Under the right circumstances, I love it—the reaction it gets, the power and satisfaction that comes from bringing joy to others. I actually love the experience of it, too, and as long as I'm in the mood to do it I Also think I enjoy it because, honestly, I've been told by multiple partners that I'm good at it and going into it with confidence is a big turn-on for me, so to speak. Rock someone's world.
However, when I was in college, I gave blowjobs to almost every man I had sex with, mostly because I felt like that was what was expected of me and that it was no "big deal" compared to having sex. I'm very, very wary of that idea now.
I think it dawned on me in my 20s how much entitlement there is in our culture to male-centric sexual pleasure, especially oral sex - and how many times in my life I've personally felt guilty for I felt like it was something I should do, not because it was something I specifically wanted to do. Needless to say, most of the times I felt this way, I didn't really enjoy the sex. I'm really annoyed because this is an "expected" part of male sex, so while I would 100% do it with the right partner, I would only do it if I actively wanted to . "
8. Some women feel their desire for oral sex diminishes over time
Dana, 29, finds she's having less oral sex now. "When my now husband and I were dating in college, I would give him blowjobs almost every night of the week. I loved doing it because I loved him. I still love him, obvs, but I just don't have the taste for it anymore Got it - no pun intended - and I don't know what happened (maybe I gave too much at the time?), but now he gets it maybe every six months, if he's lucky, which is what I have to do. Of course, that means he always reminds me of blowjobs on college nights."
9. Some people need a partner who is willing to participate verbally
Ilana, 24, needed a little verbal reassurance. "For me, oral sex is measured by whether my partner enjoys it. I enjoy it when I can tell my partner, male or female, that I enjoy it. If I can't tell, I will Feeling nervous and flustered and feeling sexually inadequate Therefore, I generally prefer partners who use words or at least vocal cords during sex.
When there's silence, I can't tell if I'm bringing pleasure to my partner, which takes me completely out of the present moment. I'm usually completely self-conscious during sex (it's the only time I'm self-conscious), but when I started to worry that my intuition wasn't as good as I thought, I stopped enjoying oral sex. "
10. Some people prefer cunnilingus to oral sex
Becky, 29, doesn't do spoken word for just anyone. "I love making my partners moan and squirm, so from that perspective it's fun. On the other hand, I have a small mouth that triggers the gag reflex a little easily, and I've met too many guys who thought they were entitled to oral sex , so when we first got together, it wasn't something I did for everyone, it was a lot of work for me and, frankly, I wouldn't do it unless I felt like I was being rewarded.
Ladies are different. I feel like I'm better at cunnilingus; overall it's more fun for me, and women tend not to expect/ask for it, so I'm more likely to give it that way.
In both cases, I tend to do it as a warm-up activity rather than the main activity. It's exciting to see your partner so excited, but then I get impatient and want to jump on to other things. "
11. Some say it depends on your partner’s hygiene
Holly, 29, had a challenging first experience with oral sex. "I avoided being with my first boyfriend for years because he had a weird smell from that part of his body. Like, even though he had just come out of the shower. But in my new relationship, There's no such thing as the smell. "It's not trendy at all, so I like to give him inspiration and I know he likes it, so I like it too. "
12. Some people feel uncomfortable after too long
Catherine, 26, prefers oral sex as foreplay. "My attitude towards oral sex is basically: mentally willing, but physically weak. Sometimes I feel like I'm super confident; a lot of people say that, but it's really exciting to see the results." That said, my gagging The reflexes are sensitive and the jaw tends to cramp, so I usually can't quite finish him off, but it's fun to get him really close before crawling on top of him. "
13. Some people like the sense of power that comes with work.
Kerry, 25, likes how it can arouse her partner's sexual desire. "If I stopped sucking dick, I definitely wouldn't miss it. But - and I think a lot of women would agree - there's something very sexy about getting your partner excited. All I have to do is mention this A little later I might give him a blowjob and soon he would be putting on his pants, which comes with a sense of power, which I love."
14. Seriously, those gag reflexes
Samantha, 20, enjoys oral expression but hates the feeling of giving. "Whenever I do it, I can't stop gagging, which is sad because I do enjoy it. I think maybe I'm not relaxed enough or something. If I could stop gagging, I'd do more."
15. Some people enjoy the intimacy of oral sex
Kate, 25, doesn't mind any chaos. "I'm actually a huge fan! I guess it's because it's kind of fun. I don't feel a lot of pressure because most guys like them, right? Or at least I've never complained! I guess I just feel like they're Is it funny? Really, I'm not very sensitive about sex and I think it's exciting to be so intimate and I don't mind if there's liquid involved because I just put the penis in my mouth which I find very sexy. I think it’s really sexy to be so close to someone!”
16. Some people consider it a staple of their sex life
Caitlin, 28, loves the pleasure of oral sex. "I actually really enjoy oral sex. There's a power in your sexuality when you give head, and if you embrace it, it can be really fun. If I'm with a good partner, I'll Glad I'm giving I have a lot of fun with them, I'm in a long-term committed relationship, we both love giving and receiving, and that's how it starts every time we have sex."
As with any sexual act, you are under no obligation to perform oral sex on your partner. But if you like it, then go for it. If it's not your cup of tea, it's not your cup of tea, so take it off the menu. Boundaries exist for a reason.
What to do if you don't like oral sex
Whether you enjoy oral sex may come down to technique, approach, secret techniques, and enthusiasm.
“Oral sex can be an acquired taste,” says sexologist at Good Vibrations, curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum, and author (with Shar Rednour) of The Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Each ) said Dr. Carol Queen of. Busy. “There are two things that can have a big impact on a person’s ability to enjoy giving.”
Quinn says if you don't like oral for whatever reason, it's something worth discussing with your partner. Sometimes people don't like things because they don't understand them or feel they might be doing something wrong.
"First, understand what your partner likes most about [receiving oral sex] and what really works for them," says Quinn. "This can help you fine-tune what you're doing and often make you feel like you're doing it better. This heightened sense of competence may be exciting for some people." After all, confidence goes a long way.
Second, remember that you are the one performing the oral sex, so you have a major say in the matter from start to finish.
"You're the one doing it — it's not something someone else does to you, so explore what you like best about it and consider what you'd enjoy more," Quinn says. "Take a shower first? Take it! Is your partner pushing too hard for your comfort? Tell them to stop and take it . Make it a sensual experience for you, not just them."
expert:
Dr. Carol Queen, Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist, Antique Vibrator Museum Curator, and Author
study:
Janus, SS, & Janus, CL (1993). Janus' report on sexual behavior. John Wiley and Sons.
Backstrom L, Armstrong EA, Puentes J. Women's negotiation of cunnilingus in college hookups and relationships. J Gender Studies. 2012;49(1):1-12. DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2011.585523. Electronic version June 24, 2011. PMID: 22010825.
