It’s easy to get stuck in a sexual rut. It's a common misconception that this only happens after you've been together for many years, but it's not that simple. I have a friend who stopped having regular sex after about six months. They just lost their spark. The good news is that it's back—but it's going to take some work.
I think, especially early on, we don't want to think of sex as an "endeavour." We like to think of it as being inherently explosive, sexy, loving, stunning and intense all at the same time. But it's not always easy. We're tired, stressed, or just feeling unimaginative, and we end up having sex like we always have. But sometimes our sex lives need something more.
"Maintaining sexual desire stems from the idea that sex should be fun and enjoyable, just like eating a good meal," says certified clinical sexologist, sex counselor and author of My Husband Won't Have Sex with Me Dr. Dawn Michael, author of "Relationships," tells Bustle. “Making the same dishes over and over again can get boring.”
I’m a big advocate of bringing toys, lube, or anything you think will add a spark to your sex life. When you mix it up, your perspective and relationship dynamics change simultaneously. Don’t be afraid to take the lead and try something out of the ordinary.
So, here are seven sex positions to rekindle the flame (none of which are missionary):
1. Weak knees
How to do it: One of you lies down, the other straddles your head, and you go to town with your mouth, fingers, and toys. Everything is for their happiness.
Why it's so hot: Because when you really do it like that , there's no such thing as half-assing. It's an intense position with a lot of stimulation, but also a lot of intimacy. The ultimate experience up close and personal.
2. Sit on a chair
How to do it: They sit in a chair — a couch will work, or even a sturdy table — while you sit with your back to them. You can always mix it up by climbing and facing the same direction, but facing away has a more animalistic feel. Don't be afraid to use your hands.
Why it's hot: Because having sex with furniture feels like you're doing something wrong, and that taboo aspect makes it extra hot. An easy way to mix things up.
3. Reverse Cowgirl
How to do it: You've probably done a lot of cowgirl, but people are more wary of this reverse cowgirl style. All the same principles are at play, except you're facing their feet, but be careful - you can't see them, so make sure you're listening and check that everything is comfortable.
Why it's so hot: This is basically the position that makes you feel your sexiest—and it's all about your body. Loving sex is great, but this position is for when you want to feel like you're Nicky Minaj, and sometimes that's even better.
4. Lotus
How to do it: Like a big hug as a sex position. Your partner starts crossing their legs and you sit on top of them - you might want to try some lube - guiding them inside you and wrapping your legs and arms around them. This is a slow moving position, so grind it out.
Why it's so hot: Some people need reverse cowgirl to rekindle the flames, and some need such an intimate position. You are close and just enjoying each other and taking a moment to enjoy it. You are sure to feel connected.
5. Top modification
How to do it: Reverse cowgirl’s easier sister, this time you’re facing your partner. This variation takes it up a notch, where they lean against pillows or a wall so your faces are closer. You can bounce or grind, play with your clitoris or prop yourself up - whatever feels best to you.
Why it's so hot: It combines the sexy, hard-fought feel of a girl's upper body with the intimacy of an intimate one. Perfect for dirty talk, opinions, or just rekindling the flames.
6. Sideways straddle
What to do: This is a tough question. Your partner has one knee bent and you straddle that leg, facing away from them. Lower yourself slowly and don't forget to use lube. I repeat: use lots of lube.
Why it's so hot: This thing is so far beyond your everyday life that it's going to trigger things. Solving a new or tricky location together will get you out of a boring zone and get you excited again.
7. Puppy
How to do it: You know what to do—you get on all fours and spread your legs as wide as possible. Your partner kneels behind you, or holds their legs together for a closer fit. Don't forget that your hands are free - so you'd better make the most of them.
Why it's so hot: It's the best. This is a super sexy pose that has a million variations. enjoy!
Photo: Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle
