Keeping your relationship comfortable is the only way your relationship can be sustainable in the long term. You should be able to be yourself. all of you. The total portion? even though. The grumpy part? certainly. What parts embarrass you? That one too. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you eliminate all the bad feelings from your partner, but it does mean being 100 percent comfortable being yourself around them. Because the truth is, you spend too much time with them. It takes a lot of effort on your part to project the clean and tidy image that you think best represents you - you won't be able to maintain it.
You need to be able to be yourself. "Anytime you show up as someone who's not your authentic self, it's a sign that you're uncomfortable in a relationship," relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW, tells Bustle. "If you're hiding things, Being embarrassed about things and faking things shows that you don't think this person will actually like you."
This is a huge problem—not just for your relationship, but because it can also take a huge toll on your self-esteem. Not to mention how tiring it can be to keep trying to keep going.
Here are some signs to watch out for because you don't always have to be perfect:
1. You don’t trust them
When you feel very comfortable with someone, you trust them completely. If you find yourself feeling unsure or uncomfortable with them, then you're not relaxing as much as you should. "Second-guessing is a sign that you don't trust your partner," Marina Sbrochi, IPPY winner and author of Stop Looking for a Husband: Finding the Love of Your Life, tells Bustle. "It's a sneaky behavior that you may not even know you're doing - but your partner knows, and that translates into distrust." You need to understand why you don't trust them, and what you or they can do about it Measures to make you feel more comfortable.
2. When you are sick or depressed, you try to hide
Sometimes our stomachs explode, which is not very pleasant. Sometimes we literally just sniffle. Or just too tired. But if you feel like you need to look your best at all times—fearless, the queen of the world, the life of the party, always in heels—then something might be wrong. Being in a relationship also means being present when you feel a little flat.
3. You don’t want to talk about your relationship with your friends…or your partner
You don’t want to be that person who can’t stop talking about her relationship to her friends. I see. But if you feel uncomfortable when your friend asks basic questions or updates, it might be time to see why. Your relationship should make you feel instantly relaxed and fulfilled—it shouldn't make you feel awkward. The same goes for talking to your partner. “Whether it’s pillow talk, dinner talk, or time on the couch watching TV, give yourself plenty of time to talk about what’s on your mind and how things are going,” Tina B. Tessina, A.K.A. The romance doctor, psychotherapist and author of Love Style: How to Celebrate Your Differences , tells Bustle. If you avoid spontaneously checking in on your relationship with your partner, it means you don't want to face what's actually going on in the relationship.
4. You haven’t pooped in their place yet
The true test of comfort and relaxation. This is your body, friends. Listen to this.
5. Wear makeup every day
I'm not one of those girls who loves wearing makeup, but I know there are women who love wearing makeup and it really makes them feel happy and confident. That's great. But sometimes it has to come off, too. If the idea of your partner seeing you without makeup makes you anxious—or if they make you feel insecure about your body in any way—that's not cool.
6. Avoid downtime with them
Glad you all enjoy biking, movies, parks, traveling and swimming. It's great to do things together, and it should be a happy and fulfilling part of your relationship, but sometimes moving around all the time is a cover-up for the fact that maybe you just don't have that much in common. If you can't enjoy the feeling of quiet and relaxation, you need to look at why. I know this seems obvious, but you should be able to stay together . "It's so normal that it's weirdly overlooked: You don't look forward to seeing them," New York-based relationship expert and author April Matheny tells Bustle. What if it doesn't exist? This is a sign that something is wrong.
7. You have already thought about the ending
Is there a good way to know if you're unhappy in a relationship? You fantasize that you are not in it. Even though it might just be a small part of you hiding away from others who want to leave - sometimes your brain has a magical way of convincing you that everything is okay - and if you stop and think about it for a minute, you'll know it Right there.
Image source: Fotolia; Jiffy(7)
