When I was 17, I was looking through an old closet in my basement when I discovered a gold mine: my mom’s old, ugly Christmas sweater. They are a treasure. What do they look like, you might ask? Cardigan with bells! Sweater vest with 1980s cranberry print! A giant sweater with Santa’s face on the front! So, naturally, my sisters and I wore them all day long on Christmas.
Fast forward a few years, and these gems are still going strong—but in a different way. For us college students, ugly Christmas sweaters are more than just a holiday must-have, they're a way of life. With all the holiday celebrations after Thanksgiving, we have to find a way to dress to impress.
But what exactly does your sweater say about you? In fact, quite a few! It's like judging someone by their Halloween costumes, but with more joy and less fake blood. You can go all out like Buddy the Elf, or you can be a total Scrooge. It's time to impress people!
Whether you're with a group of friends or trying to survive an office party, here's what every ugly Christmas sweater really says about you.
1. Naughty List Tickets
Ugly Christmas Sweater Merry Humpmas Reindeer Sweater, $35, teeshirtpalace.com
You hate holidays. Hate them. There's nothing worse for you than listening to "Jingle Bells" and smelling the pine trees at the same time. But, of course, your friends are begging you to go to all the glorious ugly sweater parties with them. Well, you can go, but there's one condition: you have to wear that sweater. You are such a scumbag, Mr. Grinch.
2. Wait, do you like sports?
Georgia Bulldog sweater , $55, elitefanshop.com
Looks like we have a sports fan here. Sure, vacations are great, but your team is your life. your. Life. Obviously, you'll incorporate them into your sweater in some way. You might spend an entire night watching a game or checking up on the latest statistics. Going to form a team?
3. Queen of movie lines
Movie Line Sweater, $49, rosepetals.com
Oh, the Home Alone reference (or Angel with Dirty Faces , if you really know your stuff). You love Christmas movies and make sure everyone knows it. It drives you crazy when someone doesn't get a recommendation. "Seriously, haven't you seen Home Alone ?!" you'll scream. "Guys, she hasn't seen Home Alone yet!" Yes, you love the movie and all, but let's face it. You just want to outsmart everyone.
4. Anything cute, really
Women's cardigan, $69, tipsyelves.com
Oh, come on. Can't you just spend the evening wearing a plain ugly Christmas sweater? seriously? You'll be posting #uglysweaterparty Instas all night long and drinking complex cocktails made with mint vodka. Just be you.
5.Look at that stylish guy
Kuppenheimer unisex ugly Christmas sweater , $19, rustyzipper.com
Is that your ugly Christmas sweater? Haha, no. It's just part of your everyday wardrobe. In fact, you have to choose between four other sweaters that look exactly like it. You'd go to some party and everyone was drinking PBR and listening to "Frosty the Snowman" sarcastically. You fashionista!
6. Finally...
1980s Dana Scott unisex VintageBear-riffic illuminated ugly Christmas sweater, $78, rustyzipper.com
The human version of Buddy the Elf. It's more than just an ugly Christmas sweater for you. It's a way of life. You can only wear your favorite pieces once a year, so go all out. You might put up the decorations in September and start listening to Christmas music in July. Oh, and no one lets you in on Santa's little secret.
Image: courtesy brand
