Every night, as I crawl into bed, I listen keenly to some of my most cherished sounds. Whether it's the clang of swords or the cheerful theme music, the swishes, chimes, and jingles of my husband's video games create a soundtrack for my nights, and I welcome them with relish. Because with every beep and thump, I know I still have more time. It’s time for another episode, time for another session with my Hannibal Lecter-esque red light mask, or, more often than not, time for another chapter of a book.
We're not the only ones adapting to this relaxing nighttime protocol. Once maligned as a stupid, brain-dead couch zombie, Gamer Boyfriend is now at the peak of its image rehabilitation, thanks in part to retellings from reader girlfriends. Over the past year or so, tons of people have taken to TikTok to share the little joys of their reader-girlfriend and gamer-boyfriend relationships, and for good reason.
The key to their celebratory passion is that while their partner dives into their electronic world for a few hours, they have uninterrupted time to snuggle up with their literary pastimes, creating separate worlds they can enjoy together. But what makes them such a complementary pair, and what can others learn from their cozy bliss?
"I think there's something magical about being able to experience the story of your choice and still be able to do it in space with the people you love."
First, these couples may not be attracted to each other by chance. “I think because the interests are so similar in nature, it’s a way for us to connect with each other without having to do the exact same thing,” said Joci, 25, who also has a gaming read Relationship, lives in Los Angeles. Angeles.
In addition to both mediums possessing complex plots, rich narrative worlds, and engaging characters, there are some practical considerations that explain why these two hobbies seem to fit together so well. For one thing, both activities can expand or contract to fit any allotted time—unlike sporting events, for example, which start and stop at specific times. They can also be done in a small space from the comfort of your own home.
However, this ease and convenience wasn't always present from the start. For Josie, navigating this dynamic with her husband has been a bit of a learning curve. "Initially, we had some issues because if I interrupted the game, he would get a little grumpy. It would get on my nerves because I couldn't understand why he was getting mad at me," she explained. But after their discussion, she realized he just didn't have the ability to focus on multiple stimuli at once, which was frustrating for him but not a personal attack on her. Now, it doesn't bother her so much anymore.
Josephine, 28, of East Grand Forks, Minn., also had early doubts. When they were young, her husband would play from morning till night if given the chance. "I worry about what kind of father he's going to be because I don't want someone who sits around playing games all day," she said. Thankfully, after welcoming their daughter, that wasn't the case. He adjusted his playing time to his new responsibilities perfectly.
The key to mastering this dynamic and truly benefiting from alone time is communication, says Israa Nasir. A psychotherapist and author, she explains that in any healthy relationship, you need time with your partner, time with your social network, and of course, time alone. "What alone time does is help us learn how to self-soothe, how to entertain ourselves, and how to engage in alone time," Nasir says. It can reduce stress, help you clear your mind, and even help relieve stress, he adds. Resentment towards your partner.
This is a critical skill to become familiar with. "If we don't know how to be alone, we tend to rely on others to meet certain emotional needs," she says. The key, she says, is that both parties need to agree on the parameters of alone time, which makes sense. If one partner feels abandoned and neglected during this alone time, they are unlikely to find it rejuvenating.
"[My husband] told me he loved hearing me talk about my book because I got excited and engaged."
For those who can communicate and build consensus, gamers and readers have proven that the rewards are many. Josie has found that enjoying these activities before bed can help rejuvenate them, ultimately leading to a more peaceful bedtime. Josephine found that it also helped their overall communication. When they were done with their hobbies, they would often meet in the kitchen and her husband would tell her about his day. She said the time apart made her more willing to listen and him more willing to share.
Alone time doesn’t always need to be enjoyed in different places. Maranda, 30, of Seattle, Washington, had been living with her boyfriend for about two years. She points out how both hobbies put you in each other's physical orbit as well. "I think it's a magical feeling to be able to experience the story of your choice and still be able to experience it in space with the people you love," she said.
However, if you need a quiet time to focus on, this avenue may not be for you, especially since video games can have unexpected sound effects. “I can’t even count the number of times he started yelling and I was so lost in my own world that I was freaking out,” Josephine said with a laugh.
But if any two activities—like building a boat in a bottle and crocheting—can bring this kind of relaxing respite, then why does the reader-gamer relationship resonate with so many people that it’s elevated to What about meme status? It turns out that sharing compatible, similar hobbies with your partner can be a little special. "It allows you to add a layer of depth and intimacy because you enter your partner's world of pleasure that is purely their own," says Nasir.
While many people express how much fun it is to share in the world by learning more about the games their partners play, the reverse is also true. "[My husband] tells me that he loves hearing me talk about my books because I get excited and engaged. I think he just loves hearing me explain things that I'm passionate about," Josie said.
This particular combination of hobbies has likely been around for decades, but there may be one last reason why it's now gaining more recognition. "I think part of the rise in it is because there's been this negative vibe around discussions around reading and gaming for a long time... They were considered nerdy hobbies — 'less cool' hobbies," Maranda said. But in a post-pandemic world where we've mastered the art of staying home, BookTok amassed a rabid fanbase, and Twitch streamers make a living playing video games, the tide may turn toward what's popular and popular. related.
It seems that happy, fulfilling relationships may be the true revenge of nerds.
