Bubble butt, badonkadonk, big-butt girls: people with big butts are spoiled for choice with all kinds of slang when it comes to their glutes. I bet this is partly thanks to the current glorification of big butts (aka the big butt trend) in music and celebrity culture. While booty appreciation is certainly not always a bad thing, there are some corny, ill-considered comments that would make many big-assed ladies roll their eyes in despair.
For those who felt mildly ostracized in the late '90s and early '00s by models with small, toned butts coveted by men's magazines and mainstream media, having a body that conforms to society's ideals to some extent may be intimidating. Feeling depressed about self-validation. lasting. Personally, my love for my booty sometimes makes me feel a little defeatist, blindly anti-feminist and woefully trend-setting. However, it's nice to be able to walk into a denim store and find jeans that fit my badonkadonk, see celebrities in the public eye with more relatable body types, and see a different concept of attractiveness than the super-slim ideal of the past .
Of course, my butt is not a designer dress or a stylish clutch. It's just a layer of subcutaneous fat endowed by biology that I use to cushion my tailbone as I sit and laugh at the most ridiculous assumptions based on big butts. Without further ado, here are seven things that most ladies with adorable lard butts would rather never hear the grace of their eardrums.
1. “How did this happen?”
Ah, that's the eternally awkward rhetorical question that any primate would be proud of. The person who says this is usually the ape-brained school friend, the 3am club lurker, or the creepy old neighbor you haven't seen in 10 years. They all agreed that the anatomy of the buttocks was suddenly free game for discussion. Puberty, man. This is what happened.
2. “Your butt was designed to twerk.”
I hate to break it to you, but having big butt pockets doesn't automatically give me Miley Cyrus-like shiny toes. Twerking is a well-practiced skill, like clay pigeon shooting or cross stitch. Frankly, I can think of better ways to spend my night (like drinking too much tequila during a particularly rowdy game of "Never Have I Ever" and asking for Henson's entire back catalog ).
3. “You should wear shorts/yoga pants/pencil skirts more often.”
Not only is it my choice, but my choice is simply about when and if to show off what my mom gave me, and if you've ever tried running on a bus in a pencil skirt or sitting on a hot bench in shorts, you've would know that they are highly impractical. I'm not a dress-up doll: I'm a living, breathing human being, so I exercise my right to wear comfortable clothes and be sloppy, late, and disorganized whenever I see fit.
4. When wearing the aforementioned hip shorts/yoga pants/pencil skirt: “If you don’t want people to judge you, maybe you shouldn’t put your stuff out there.”
Wow , Sonny Jim. My ass isn't a pint of milk or a selection of second-hand DVDs, so there's less of a "merchandise". In a progressive 21st century, so-called egalitarian society, I should be free to dress in any way that makes me feel comfortable and confident.
5. "Maybe you should lose some weight so your body will be more proportionate."
This is a prime example of how body shaming by the mainstream beauty and lifestyle industry succeeds in brainwashing society into full-fledged amateur members of the body police. It leads us to believe that our bodies are anatomical Play-Doh that we must mold into what society deems the most aesthetically pleasing shape. However, bodies come in all shapes and sizes, but I love my butt. Suck it, status quo.
6. “I like a girl who has some junk in the trunk.”
I love a man who values me as much as the two fat patches on my legs. He can deliver smart dialogue, witty one-liners and original compliments rather than just reusing hip-hop lyrics. I guess I'm wasting my time?
7. “Can I touch it?”
In the words of Ron Burgundy, the situation escalated quickly. I know you? Have I ever shown the slightest interest in meeting you romantically or sexually? If the answer is yes, thank you for asking for permission. But come on, man, you can certainly figure out a less socially awkward way of approaching this topic. If I don't know you, I'm afraid this isn't an appropriate way to break the ice with a stranger at all, and I predict your success rate will be low.
At the end of the day, it's great that having anything "big" (besides boobs) is finally being celebrated in mainstream media. But just because having a bigger butt is becoming more "in" doesn't mean attitudes about it have to be "in" too.
Image: Rafi Parker
