Known by many as the "feminist Tinder," Bumble is not only one of my personal favorite dating apps, but it's also one of the best apps to download for single women. Unlike Tinder, Bumble gives women more power in the match. You still have to swipe left or right, but if you match with another person, you need to message them within 24 hours or the match disappears (poof, no chance to talk again!). For women looking for other women who identify as women on the app, either party has 24 hours to make the first move, or the connection is gone too. (Bonus: It also has a female founder, Whitney Wolfe, who was a Tinder executive before launching Bumble.)
But like most dating apps, there are still a lot of mistakes you can make when swiping. One of the most obvious? Treat Bumble like Tinder. Yes, the two are very similar, but the app was created specifically by Tinder co-founder Wolfe to provide women with a respectful and autonomous dating platform. Therefore, you shouldn't use it like Tinder, even though all the swiping will make the two feel similar.
Likewise, dating expert and founder of Double Trust Dating David Bennett tells Bustle that it's important to take Bumble swiping seriously. "Some studies show that a lot of people use dating apps for weird reasons: distraction, time-wasting, self-improvement, etc.," Bennett said. "Unfortunately, many people think of Bumble and other dating apps as a waste of time. However, it won't lead to meeting a great person. Just like anything else, if you want to meet quality people, Then it will require timely and thoughtful engagement with the app.”
To give you an idea of what to avoid, here are some of the mistakes most of us make on Bumble.
1. Don’t talk to your opponent immediately after you find them
One of the best things about Bumble is that you can start a conversation of your choice. But if you wait too long, your game will disappear. Jennifer Stith, Bumble's vice president of communications and brand development, tells Bustle that the app is all about encouraging you to say something.
"The ephemeral nature of the app means you won't have a lot of time to idle and really only a small amount of time to decide who you really want to talk to. We've found that this leads to more confident connections," Stice said.
If you receive a notification sent to your phone, the app will notify you when a match is about to expire. But to prevent this from happening, message them as soon as you become a mutual match. This way, they know you're interested in having a conversation and you don't risk losing a potentially cool person.
2. Ignore reading their resume
This is a common mistake on dating apps. You're swiping, making snap judgments based on a person's photos but ignoring shared interests or the few words they decided to write about themselves. Dating apps are designed to be easy to navigate and fast, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take your time to find out who you're matching with. We don’t have many words to share our life stories with, so whatever words they put in, please take a moment to read them. That way, when you get a match, you can start a conversation.
Likewise, don’t forget yours. “Take the time to fill out a resume,” Stice says. “A little humor always goes a long way.”
3. Treat Bumble like Tinder
Like I said, Bumble is not Tinder, it's specifically designed to be a little different. So don’t fall into the “swipe right to see everyone” trap and don’t wait for someone else to solve your problem. With Bumble, it's all up to you — and yes, it can be scary. Ending the game just for the sake of ending it is not an option either, as not talking to your opponent means they won't be there the next day. Unlike Tinder, this app gives you very few options other than meeting people, so embrace it!
4. Your profile is too negative
While it's always good to try to be authentic on your resume, it's important to avoid being too negative. This may deter potential matches and not give them the impression you are actually trying to achieve.
"One of the biggest problems I see is that many people use their profiles to list things they don't want in a partner, or to just send out negative vibes," Bennett says. "While this is understandable as many people try to exclude incompatible people, it can actually have the opposite effect. This creates an overall pessimistic atmosphere that may cause good people to swipe left and invite Matching with someone who doesn’t care about your bio is a negative.”
It's important to be discerning and know what you want, especially on dating apps where people tend to disagree, but a short, humorous bio can get you a long way. Once you're matched, use your conversations to gauge whether you're a good fit.
5. Start a conversation with “Hi”
This is a general rule of thumb for dating apps/websites. Starting a conversation with "Hi" is boring and uncreative. If the person does answer you, they most likely have nothing original to say in response.
"In Bumble, women make the first move, and while many women lament that most people can't be bothered to say more than 'hey,' many women start with the same disengaging words," Bennett said . "If you want to stand out to the person you're messaging, start in a unique way. I usually recommend asking a question or commenting on something on the person's profile. If you at least say 'Hey' add Emoticons."
It's difficult to develop an interesting conversation from this because you've started with a fairly mundane topic. You don't have to be the smartest person ever on Bumble, but if you start asking them for photos or "about me" (what you read), you're bound to get more interesting responses.
6. Filters are too strict
While filters can definitely help you tailor your search to who you think would be a good match, it's also important to keep your options open and not exclude potentially good matches.
"This may not seem like a mistake, but when I work with my coaching clients, many of them describe their real-life crushes, and in many cases, their Bumble filters actually exclude many Someone they really like,” Bennett said. "I recommend being more generous in your filters so you can give a variety of people a chance to see if a connection is possible. This is how love works in the 'real world.' If you meet This is especially true for a lot of "dumb" people who are found through strict screening. Maybe you don't even know what you want, but if you are more generous, you will find better."
7. When someone doesn’t answer the phone, take it personally
Because the same cannot be said for women using this app to find men, you may start to notice that you've started some conversations but people just aren't answering you. Don't take it personally. Ghosting is common on all dating apps, but it's especially noticeable on Bumble. For whatever reason, the man just didn't decide to answer. so what? Keep swiping and chatting with other new matches you're sure to get.
But when someone answers you, make sure the conversation doesn't end up being a show-off. "The ultimate goal is for both parties to feel comfortable enough to maybe exchange phone numbers as a first step and then eventually meet in person. If too many messages are exchanged and that doesn't happen, it's easy to get into a dead end," Stice said . So don't be afraid to ask for their phone number and start outside of the app.
Sources include:
David Bennett, dating expert and founder of Double Trust Dating
Jennifer Stith, Vice President of Communications and Brand Development at Bumble
