For anyone who's ever worried that they're too embarrassed to flirt, I have the best news - flirting can be learned, and you can learn to flirt effectively. There are several scientifically proven ways to flirt successfully, and they're not particularly difficult for even the most tongue-tied women. This is because only part of successful flirting has to do with what you say. The rest is in how you get rid of the non-verbal feelings. It's simple, so read on.
Let's say you're at a bar one night, wearing your favorite outfit, but every time you try to flirt with someone, things go south. This could be due to small mistakes you make and a lack of knowledge about how flirting actually works. Showing interest in someone doesn't necessarily mean fawning over them or dressing up every time you're around them (although wearing red helps, but we'll get to that later). Instead, it has to do with your body language and your ability to express yourself. You don’t have to overthink it either. In fact - and we'll talk about it too - overthinking, like coming up with a cliche phrase, can end up working against you. Keeping it simple and calm may be your best option, especially when you combine it with the right nonverbal words. let's start. Here are 11 ways to successfully flirt, based on science.
1. Maintain serious eye contact
It turns out eye contact is indeed an important part of flirting. In a study published in the Journal of Research in Personality , participants maintained eye contact with strangers for two minutes. After two minutes, participants reported increased attraction. I'm not encouraging you to grab a stranger and stare at him or her for two minutes straight (two minutes can feel like forever ), but when flirting, try to maintain eye contact for as long as you feel comfortable showing interest.
2. Brilliant smile
Besides eye contact, another successful flirting tactic is smiling. Time magazine interviewed Dr. Monica Moore, a psychologist at Webster University who studies flirting techniques. Moore believes that smiling is one of the best flirting strategies to show interest. It's also worth noting that, according to Moore, this strategy is universally understood by both men and women.
3. Give great compliments
SheKnows.com spoke with flirting expert Rachel Dealto, who recommends making compliments part of a successful flirting routine. According to Dilto, flirting is about making someone feel good by giving them attention—so adding a sincere compliment to the attention you're giving them will help enhance that attention even more. In addition to giving him or her a compliment, Dilto also recommends asking the other person questions about themselves.
4. Tilt your head forward
According to researchers at the University of Newcastle in Australia, tilting your head forward is another proven tactic for successful flirting. Researchers found that when women tilt their heads forward, they become more attractive.
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5. Make him or her laugh
According to the Social Issues Research Center (SIRC), adding humor to conversations can lead to some good flirting. SIRC says research shows that people who use humor in conversations are seen as more likeable, and telling jokes during flirtation can bring a sense of relaxation to the conversation. (Just be careful not to cross the line and take the jokes too far and make them wildly inappropriate!)
6. Buy him or her a hot drink
Coffee lovers, you're going to be happy about this. Warm drinks can work wonders in the flirting process, so if you're flirting with a cutie, get them some hot drinks to work your magic. According to research from Yale University, drinking a hot drink can improve a person's perception of the people around them, especially seeing them as generous and caring. FYI, according to this study, cold drinks do the exact opposite.
7. Stand up straight
When flirting, posture means everything. This is because the way you hold your body communicates non-verbally how confident you are and how attractive you are to the person you're flirting with. Research from Colorado College agrees—standing up straight shows that you're confident and that you're aware of how to move your body to flirt successfully.
8. The Knicks hit the nail on the head
There's a reason people make fun of cheesy pick-up lines - they're a little ridiculous and definitely go down well with the person on the receiving end. A study in Gender Roles magazine found that both men and women dislike wisecracks, so cut them out. Instead, consider trying an innocuous line like "What do you think of this band?" (preferred by women) or a direct approach like "I thought you were cute, so I had to come over and say hi" (preferred by men) .
9. Wear red clothes
If your goal in flirting is to make someone feel attractive, choose to wear red before going out. A study from the University of Rochester found that men are more attracted to women who wear red than to women who don't wear red. Another study from the University of Rochester showed that when women saw men wearing red, the opposite was true—they were significantly more attracted to red than to men who were not wearing red.
10. Pursue a gentle touch
According to a study published in the journal Social Impact, the most effective way to flirt is gentle. This makes sense - on the other hand, would you want someone to actively touch you while flirting? Heck no. Research also shows that a light touch on the shoulder or a handshake are non-threatening forms of touch.
11. Point your feet towards him or her
The final flirting tactic worth mentioning here, if you want to be successful, has to do with your feet. Science shows that as women, we point and move our feet toward people we're interested in, so if we want to show interest in someone, we should use those feet to our advantage. According to a study reported in The Daily Telegraph, women will slide their feet towards a person of interest, adopting a more open-legged position. Conversely, a woman showed less interest if she tucked her legs under her or crossed them, according to the study.
Now that you've got some science-backed flirting strategies, keep them in your arsenal of flirting tools for this weekend. Don't be surprised if you quickly attract lovers all over town.
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