I remember the first time I saw a thong. My daring friend pulled out a pink one at a sleepover in her fifth grade. My girlfriends and I put it on each other's heads and used it as a slingshot, but amidst all the joking, I think we all viewed the underwear as a serious symbol of sex. This was the first time I had seen or held a thong in person and I immediately felt like a rebel. It's more than just a piece of underwear. To me, it was the symbol I needed to one day graduate from girlhood and become a mature woman.
Fast forward to high school. I knew my conservative mother wouldn't like such a racy piece of clothing at all, so I hid my secret stash of thongs in the back corner of my closet. I wore them on the weekends and to prom, trying not to look visibly cringe-y in the photos. I refused to back down from my long-term marriage; I wore them well into college and into my early twenties, still convinced that thongs were that sexy, irresistible thing that every grown woman must have if they wanted to have a fulfilling sex life Own them.
However, my philosophy changed when I moved to Boston in 2011 and started commuting around by bike. At that point, the thong is no longer useful. In fact, they become tools of self-torture. I started to find them less and less sexy, which made me rethink their role as seductive lingerie. Soon after, I learned that thongs are actually bad for your overall health. That was the last straw, the third blow that forced me to make the authoritative decision to get rid of all thongs.
Mamia Seamless Boxer Briefs, $13, Amazon
Hanky Panky Vikini Briefs, $27, Amazon
Here are six reasons why I will never wear a thong again.
1. They can cause vaginal infections
The string of the thong acts as a microbial connector, connecting directly from the buttocks to the vagina. Bacteria can easily stick to the cord, and as it moves around during your busy day, these unwanted bacteria can be transferred to your vagina or urethra. From there, your natural vaginal discharge becomes disrupted and you may face yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis.
Dr. Jill M. Rabin, professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, told Glamor magazine that it's also possible for E. coli to get into your thong belt, since it's the most common bacteria in the colon. 93% of UTIs are caused by E. coli; while there's no guarantee you'll get a UTI when you put on that black silk thong, the chance of infection certainly increases.
I have never had a yeast infection before, but I have also had a UTI. Since I'm not in the mood to deal with that discomfort again, I do whatever I can to avoid them.
2. They can cause skin tags
Familiar with skin tags? They are small piles of soft tissue that accumulate where the skin has been rubbed repeatedly. Women sometimes see them on their bra lines after wearing underwired clothing for years, but now obstetricians and gynecologists report that they're also becoming common on the vulva near the rectum. All because of thongs.
Dr. Shieva Ghofrany, an ob-gyn at Stanford Hospital, told HuffPost she's seeing more skin tags during exams or Pap smears than ever before. Almost every patient who owns a thong admits to being a thong enthusiast. Skin tags aren't a particularly dangerous thing for the body, but their presence isn't fun. They look like warts and are especially uncomfortable in sensitive areas like the vagina. Additionally, they must be removed by burning them off or through cosmetic surgery.
The chafing feeling of a thong is bad enough, but did you know it can cause things that look like warts? That's enough to make me disappear them from my underwear drawer forever.
3. I can’t be that active in it.
There are very few things I regret in life, and wearing a thong under spandex to yoga is definitely one of them. It was the most uncomfortable sixty minutes I've ever experienced. Every movement I made—every twist, bend, and stretch—was extremely unpleasant and sometimes even painful.
Initially, I thought I was just making a tactical mistake by choosing yoga. I told myself that maybe it wouldn't be so bad to wear a thong when I'm jogging or hiking. So one day I took a cotton, more practical thong to a spin class, confident the results would be different. As you might have accurately predicted, it was as excruciating as Vinyasa flow and I left the gym feeling miserable.
After I decided not to combine working out with wearing thongs, I also discovered that this combination isn't good for your health either. Tight athletic leggings already cut off some air circulation; on their own, this isn't a big deal. However, combining it with a thong can cause some problems as the thong has disrupted the healthy balance of the vagina. Combined with a lack of air circulation, your hands create the perfect environment for bacteria to grow.
4. I can’t wear pads at the same time
I'm a girl who loves using a menstrual cup, but on my lighter days, I love using pads. Anyone who has ever used any type of sanitary pads will agree with me: pairing them with a thong is nearly impossible. Even those bras that are supposedly designed to coexist with string bras end up bunching together in weird ways, rendering themselves completely useless.
In addition to these logical errors, there are some medical reasons that prevent me from mixing the two. Dr. Rabin says the pH of the vagina decreases slightly during menstruation, so the likelihood of infection increases. When your lady parts are already that fragile and the risks double, it's not a good idea to put a thong in there.
5. They smell disgusting and have weird stains
See, if you wear a thong for hours at a time, that means the string will stay along your anus for hours at a time. We are all familiar with what happens in this area of the body. You can't expect a piece of clothing to sit in that area for that long and come out smelling like roses, can you?
I'm not going to lie, there have been days in my life when I picked up a thong, smelled it, and immediately cringed. I also saw some unpleasant stains on the rear string. While almost no one talks about it, these are just natural parts of the thong experience and I really don’t want to deal with those parts anymore.
6. I feel sexier wearing other underwear now
I used to think thongs were the absolute sexiest thing. Early in my dating career, I was convinced that nothing was more attractive than a flashing thong. I never know if that’s really the case with the people I love. But as I get older, that doesn't matter to me anymore. I stopped trying to fit in with others and started asking myself what kind of underwear I liked best.
I tried on just about every lingerie known to woman to finally figure out what made me feel the sexiest. Lacey boxers and basic full coverage pieces are my go-to. The same goes for commandos. But thongs? I ultimately decided they weren't for me. So I happily threw them all away. I know I don't speak for all women when I say thongs are the worst underwear ever, but I'm glad I finally came to my own conclusion.
Pictures: Gina Florio (2); Jiffy (5)
