Social anxiety is a fairly common anxiety disorder. Approximately 15 million people in the United States suffer from social anxiety disorder (SAD), many of whom also suffer from other anxiety disorders. Unlike many anxiety disorders, which disproportionately affect women, seasonal affective disorder affects men and women equally. Still, even though we see more mental health coverage today than ever before, social anxiety is still misunderstood and stigmatized by many people—including those of us who actually suffer from it. On top of that, in a study published last year in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology , researchers found that fear of the unknown exacerbates many anxiety disorders. Since traveling to a new place with new friends comes with so many unknowns, it's no surprise that even the most ardent travelers can feel a lot of anxiety about going abroad. There are many misconceptions about what social anxiety disorder feels like, and many of these misconceptions are exacerbated when you're in an environment with mostly strangers. But when I went on a sailing trip in Ibiza with Topdeck Travel, a travel company that specializes in group tours for millennials, I learned a lot about how my social anxiety develops when traveling alone, and how Deal with it when traveling alone in the future.
Talking about anxiety is important
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On the first day of the cruise, my top deck companion asked me what kind of story I could write about our trip. I appreciated their curiosity, but I immediately felt the familiar fear I always feel when I'm about to discuss my anxiety. To be fair, I don’t think anyone has directly made fun of me as someone who deals with social anxiety – but mental health stigma is still very real, and I can tell you, it’s exhausting to deal with.
Luckily I had nothing to worry about on the boat. When I somewhat reluctantly told my crew that I was going to write about social anxiety, their responses were extremely polite and supportive. This is a relief for me because one of the hardest things about dealing with social anxiety is worrying about how you will be viewed if you admit it.
Looking back, I'm glad my traveling companions asked me questions about my anxiety. Every little conversation helped me feel less pressure to speak up or be outgoing when I was having a bad day, which made the entire trip more relaxing for me. Now that I know what it's like to go on vacation with strangers, I think it makes perfect sense to spend a little time on the first day telling each other what socializing is typically like for you and how you like to interact with other people.
It’s okay to be a “quiet person” if you need to
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I feel like sometimes my social anxiety (and anxiety in general) can cause me to act really awkward or unintentionally rude, but I also know that no matter what I do or say, I usually feel like a giant weirdo. The bottom line is that while I really enjoy having meaningful conversations with loved ones and strangers, sometimes I just don't have the energy to engage with other people.
I was a little worried about spending three whole days at sea with strangers. I'm excited to meet people, but I also know that going long periods of time without proper alone time will be a challenge for me. Luckily, by the end of the second day, I realized something that made the rest of my trip that much smoother: It was okay to be a “quiet person.”
Every group has at least one quiet person, and sometimes, I need to be that person. In fact, when I’m feeling overstimulated, exhausted, or anxious, forcing myself to talk more only exacerbates the anxiety I’m trying to control. After traveling with only strangers, I think I finally realized that it's acceptable (even healthy) to allow myself to not speak sometimes. I think normal people don't mind being around quiet people. I realized that I didn’t have to force myself to be talkative just because I was in a social situation.
It's okay to feel like a weirdo most of the time
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It's normal for me to feel like a giant weirdo, especially around new people. I know my social anxiety is partly to blame, but my introversion, the fact that I'm homeschooled, and just general insecurity all play a role, too. Fitting in is not a feeling I'm very familiar with.
This used to make me so depressed that I would sometimes avoid social events entirely, but I'm finally starting to understand that it really isn't that big of a deal. Even better, traveling alone and meeting new people forced me to face these feelings in new ways. As the trip was about to begin, I started thinking about all the times I felt uncomfortable. While this may sound like the most boring game ever, it was actually very helpful to me. Thinking back to how I always felt weird in a group of new friends made me realize that I might have taken my feelings too seriously over the years. So, on day two of my cruise, I decided to embrace feeling like a weirdo instead of trying to “fix” or avoid it. I wish it hadn't taken me 27 years to get to this point, but nonetheless, I'm excited about it.
You don’t have to feel like you “fit in” to enjoy life
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Legislatively, my history of feeling like a total douchebag in front of a group of strangers made me wonder if I would feel out of place with my fellow A-listers—and truth be told, I did. That’s not to say that my sailing companions weren’t friendly and welcoming. They're all lovely and I'm glad I met them, but the truth is that social anxiety is isolating in nature.
Fortunately, though, feeling “out of place” with the team didn’t stop me from enjoying it. (I mean, I was in Spain after all.) In fact, I think this trip was probably the first time I actively chose to feel like a weirdo, but had fun anyway. This is a skill that I'll probably need to hone for a while, but I'm glad I finally discovered it.
No matter where I am, animals always ease my anxiety
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With the exception of a jellyfish sting on my first day at sea, every animal I encountered in Ibiza made me feel less anxious. Since the mental health benefits of interacting with animals were part of the reason I went vegan last October, this didn’t come as a surprise to me. I'm so grateful for the role animals play in easing my anxiety: from the fish crowding our swimming spots to the Ibiza kittens pictured above, I feel calm every time I see an animal on my trip. As I get older, I realize more and more how much I rely on animals for emotional support—and my recent solo trip reaffirmed this.
These are just my experiences, and I know enough about anxiety to know that everyone's experience is unique. For some people, traveling alone will be the last thing on their to-do list when they have social anxiety, and that's totally okay. Making sure you control your anxiety—through therapy, medication, or self-care—is the most important aspect of living with anxiety—whether alone, surrounded by strangers, or with friends.
