For years I fantasized that one day, when I grew up and realized myself, I would have blue hair. But dyeing always seemed to be an act reserved for the older, braver version of myself. I wonder how people will treat me differently because my hair is a color that doesn't occur in nature.
But this summer, I decided the haters were not my problem. I'm going to do this without paying attention to what anyone thinks - except for experimental purposes: I'll be documenting how my hair color affects the way people treat me.
For such a big decision, I honestly didn’t think too much about it. I Googled "blue hair" and browsed through the image results until I found one I liked, which faded from turquoise at the top to green at the bottom. On the recommendation of a friend, I decided to go to Posh in San Francisco, show photos to their colorist, Whitney, and leave the fate of my hair in her hands.
I had a brief moment of panic when I saw my blonde hair during the appointment, and then another wave of panic when I learned they had to cut off a few inches to avoid damage. (Bleaching can damage your hair, so the ends don't always stay put.) But then, I looked in the mirror, and for the first time, I felt like I looked like myself. I know it's ironic because I look nothing like I did when I was born. But I finally feel like my hair is as unique and colorful as me.
From the moment I left that salon, people started treating me differently. Here are some of the biggest changes I noticed.
1. on the street
On the way home from the salon, I received three comments from men standing on the street. One yelled "Nice hair," another yelled "I love your hair," and a third stopped me and asked me what color it was. Suddenly, I couldn't tell whether I was being truly praised or being booed. The usual "hey beautiful" leaves no doubt, but the first two comments are completely ambiguous. Someone might say that but have no interest in dating me.
Regardless of whether his intentions were sexual or not, that last one speaks to my entitlement to street harassment that was a hallmark of the era. Some people with tattoos have also observed this: When you have an unusual physical feature, people tend to use it as an excuse to demand your time and invade your privacy.
2. On vacation
It might be a coincidence, but on the way to San Francisco, when I still had brown hair, I didn't get caught carrying extra carry-on luggage on the plane. But on my way back to New York, they stopped me at security and I had to combine two bags into one. However, things really got interesting when I traveled to Barbados.
As I was walking along the beach a guy came up to me to sell me a drink and the first thing he asked was what kind of drug I liked. "You seem like one of those guys who's a little crazy," he said. We chatted for hours and met again a few days later. "Are you going to dye your hair back?" he asked me. "No. Why?" I asked.
Then he said something I didn't expect: "It gives the impression that you like to go to sex parties and sleep with 15 guys." Apparently, like most stereotypes associated with women, this one There is also a sexual component. Since the common stereotype of fantasy hair is of someone being wild and rebellious, I guess it's not surprising that a feminine person with electric blue waves would be seen as "slutty."
3. At the bar
A friend and I went to a bar in New York and we chatted with a few other patrons. Some of them complimented my hair, which I'm used to - it's a great conversation starter - but I'm not used to this: "I have a feeling the carpet doesn't match the curtains, which if you know I'm said,” one person told me. Apparently, when your hair is blue, people suddenly feel okay talking about your "carpet." Maybe it has something to do with the whole sex party stereotype.
4. Spend time with parents
I have parents who are very tolerant and mind their own business. They gave me the peace of mind to make my own decisions. And, when they see my hair, I receive nothing but compliments about it. So, I don't think it's a problem for them.
But when I got home, that was all they could talk about – and not in a good way. Throughout the two days I spent at their home, I received tons of questions and comments: “Why do you dye your hair?” “Has anyone ever asked you why you dye your hair?” “It’s not permanent, is it?” “You Can you change that? "Are you trying to be really artistic or creative or something? "People keep complimenting you? "Please don't wear blue shoes - it will only inspire you to grow your hair blue." "
When I decided to major in Gender and Sexuality Studies, traveling across the country twice and flying to Ibiza at a moment's notice, those who supported me felt so strongly about something so personal and so unimportant, This shocked me. What was it about my hair that caught their attention?
Perhaps, because of the same stereotypes that lead to Barbadian men's comments about drugs and sex parties, they don't want to be seen as the parents of blue-haired girls. Maybe these stereotypes broke their image of the innocent, classy, goody-two-shoes brunette. Maybe it expresses a side of me that I don't usually show them and they feel like they don't understand me a little bit. Either way, their comments reflect the same idea as people on the street and in bars: Fantasy hair is an invitation to comment on someone's appearance.
5. With my partner
I hate to admit that, despite my feminist ideals—heck, I refuse to shave my legs no matter what others think—I still worry about what my partner will think of my hair. Has he suddenly lost his attraction to me? The night before the appointment, I sent him a photo of what I was going to use as the basis for the color work, and to my relief, he loved it.
When I told an acquaintance, she said something to the effect of, "Oh, great, so you have his permission." The word "permission" irritated me, mostly because I realized I thought the same thing , even though I know anyone who dumps me because I have blue hair is being very superficial. I think I've internalized the belief that I have a responsibility to aesthetically please men, even at the expense of my own autonomy.
But my partner's positive reaction to my hair was a relief for a deeper reason: His nonchalant acceptance of my blue hair was once again proof that he knew me. My parents probably didn’t think I was the type to dye my hair blue, but he got it—and it showed that he got me. Receiving an email from him with the subject line “Hello Blue Haired Beauty” made me feel like I was being seen for who I am.
Parting thoughts
When I was 14, I bought a shirt from Abercrombie that said, "Brunettes are best. Brunettes have both beauty and brains." Well, I had officially excluded myself from the smart black category. Outside of the hair club, I'm glad - because its rules are filled with inherent misogyny. The same rules dictate that blue-haired women do a lot of drugs, have a lot of casual sex, are not welcome as daughters, and are allowed to talk to inappropriate people in public.
In many ways, I subscribe to the fantasy hair stereotype. I am eccentric, adventurous and enjoy clubbing. The fact that people see me this way at first glance rather than having an inaccurate or incomplete idea of me before talking to me is probably why I love my hair so much and feel so comfortable with it. When people ask me why I do this, I tell them, "I'm tired of hiding my shameless behavior."
A lot of our decisions about how to present ourselves are based on stereotypes, and that's not a bad thing. For example, people may get tattoos because they want to be seen as edgy, or wear pink because they want to be seen as feminine (although this is not always the case). Since people are going to stereotype us anyway, we want them to do it accurately.
Since I can't help myself with hair color stereotypes, I use them to my advantage by adopting a hair color that matches my personality. But that doesn't mean they should exist in the first place. You can be a blue-haired nerd, a beauty queen, an engineer, or whatever. Of course, you should be able to keep the hair you were born with without being labeled a silly blonde, a fierce redhead, or a shy brunette.
When I dyed my hair blue, I didn't change, but the way people treated me did - which means we still have a long way to go before we stop judging people by their hair.
Photo credit: Suzannah Weiss/Bustle
