Whether you've always liked being in control in the bedroom or want to try a dominant sex position for the first time, there are countless ways to create the classic cowgirl position so you can play with the power dynamic and live out your fantasies.
That said, if you're not used to being dominant, it may take some getting used to. According to sex therapist Vanessa Marin, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the male or penetrative partner is in charge. But that's exactly why flipping the script and taking the lead in bed is extra hot.
If you're not sure where to start, it might help to "take your time and let things unfold," Kiana Reeves, physical sex educator, pelvic care practitioner, and chief brand officer at sexual wellness company Foria, tells Bustle. "This also helps increase sensation and stimulation." And also gives you plenty of time to build confidence.
Another way to ease yourself into dominance is to let go of any preconceived ideas you have about "dominant" sex. Instead, "focus on things that feel good and make you feel most connected and open," Reeves says. "Let nature take its course and you might even discover a new location you never imagined." Need some ideas? Read on to learn 11 positions that will give you more control during sex, experts say.
1. Cowgirl
How to do it: Marin says this is a typical executive position for women. Whether you're trying your hand at domination for the first time, or just starting your night, this is a great place to start. To do this, have your partner lie on their back. Climb on top and straddle their waist, one leg at your side.
From there, sit up straight. It's usually easiest if you rest your weight on your knees. Don't be shy about using your hands to guide your partner's penis or dildo into you. Once you're both comfortable, rock your hips back and forth, spin in circles, or rotate in a figure-8.
Why it’s popular : In this position, you’re in complete control. You take care of all the movement, pace, depth and speed, while your partner just goes with the flow.
Increase the control factor: Try placing the soles of your feet flat on the bed so you can lift yourself up for more intensity. This variation will burn your thighs quickly, but it's fun—even if it only lasts a few seconds.
2. Reverse missionary
How to do it: Start in standard cowgirl position, leaning forward and pressing your body against your partner's chest. Stretch your legs straight back and place them on the outside of your partner's legs. Then place your hands on either side of your partner's body, using them to balance your own weight. Slowly grind your pelvis back and forth.
Why it's popular: Marin says playing reverse missionary is fun because it shakes up tradition and puts you on top. Usually the partner with the penis or dildo is in charge, but this time you'll take on that role.
Increase the element of control: Pin your partner's hands behind your head.
3. Sit on a chair
What to do: Have your partner sit up on the bed, chair, or couch. Face them and straddle their legs. Lower yourself onto their cock or strap on and move like a cowgirl, bouncing up and down, grinding or gyrating your hips in a figure-8.
Why it's popular: "The physical sensation brings your bodies closer together," Reeves says. "You can still control and direct the rhythm and depth, and it stimulates the G-spot angle tremendously. You also feel their whole body pressed against yours."
Increase the element of control: Reeves recommends increasing the level of control through eye contact and affection.
4. Sit face to face
What to do: Have your partner lie on their back on the top of the bed with a pillow under their head. Sit astride their face with one leg on either side of their head. Hold on to the headboard or wall for balance while relaxing your body so you can hover over your partner's mouth. Let them perform oral sex.
Why it’s popular : This pose is intense, but it’s also about you and your pleasure—making it sexy and empowering.
Up the dominance factor: Marin says this is a great position to try out some power play role play. For example, you could tell your partner that they can't stop until they give you multiple orgasms. (Quick safety note: Make sure you agree on a safe word before role playing. If they can't speak clearly, agree on a safe signal.)
5. Reverse sitting position
How to do it: Turn to face your partner's feet. You may need to have your partner lie down slightly on the bed to provide enough room for your legs.
Why It's Hot: This 180-degree face-sit will open up a whole new world of possibilities. Ask your partner if they want to play with your butt as they use their tongue to pleasure you.
Increase the control factor: Lean forward and perform oral sex on your partner, but only if they're "good enough" for your job. Once they start to slip, remove your mouth.
6. Reclining Cowgirl
How to do it: This is a simple variation of cowgirl, but it's definitely worth mentioning. All you have to do is change the angle from the standard cowgirl position by leaning back, placing your hands behind you and placing your weight on your palms. From there, rock your pelvis back and forth, or try going up an inch or two before going back down.
Why it's popular: This location gives your partner a stunning view. You'll feel super sexy but still in control.
Increase the dominance factor : Have your partner rub your clitoris with a finger or a toy.
7. Side saddle
How to do it: Have your partner lie flat on the bed with their knees bent and feet flat. Sit astride one of their legs so that you're facing one thigh (you'll be away from your partner's head) and place one of your legs on either side of their legs. From there, lean on your partner's thighs as you rock back and forth, side to side.
Why it's popular: Marin says this is one of the best sex positions for female orgasm. It works great for those who like a grinding action on their clitoris. Not to mention, it puts you in complete control since your partner will be pinned underneath you.
Reinforce the control factor: You can reinforce control by telling your partner that you're just using them to get away from yourself, Marin says. Once you're done, leave them begging for more.
8. Reverse Cowgirl
What to do: This is another 180-degree change that makes a world of difference. Start in standard cowgirl position, turning around to face your partner's feet. You'll still be riding them, just in a different direction. You can sit up straight, or lean forward and rest your weight on your hands.
Why it's hot: Turning around exposes you to new internal hot spots. Plus, you can tease your partner with the amazing butt view.
Increase the dominance factor: Marin suggests binding your partner's hands so they can't touch you. Or let them climax and then stop. Repeat as many times as either one of you can stand.
9. Lean against the wall
What to do: Have your partner face a wall and have them raise their hands above their head as you approach them from behind. "You can play with your hands, your tongue, or a toy," Dr. Jess O'Reilly, ASTROGLIDE's resident sexologist, tells Bustle.
Why it’s so hot: You’re the one calling the shots.
Up the dominance factor: "You can [use a strap-on] and play with a pegging if you both feel like it," O'Reilly says.
10. Lap dance
What to do: Have your partner sit on a couch or chair. Straddle them while grabbing their shoulders or the back of the chair for leverage. Bobbing up and down or grinding your hips back and forth – whatever you prefer. The whole purpose of this position is to perform, probably before switching to one of the positions listed above.
Why it's popular : You'll be face to face with your partner, which Marin says is sexy. They also get to bask in your boss's energy up close, which feels great.
Up the dominance factor: Tie your partner to a chair or tell them not to touch you to increase the tension, in a totally sexy way.
11. Stand and speak
How to do it: Have your partner kneel in front of you and perform oral sex while you stand.
Why it's popular: "There's something powerful about putting yourself before others," O'Reilly says.
Increase the element of control: No matter what position you're in, O'Reilly says another way to increase the element of control is to introduce some light BDSM by physically restricting your partner's movement.
"If you're new to restraints, just use a soft scarf or tie that leaves room for them to squirm — just don't cut off the blood supply," says O'Reilly. Tie your partner's hands together or to a bedpost. (Again, remember to have a safe word.)
source:
Vanessa Marin, sex therapist
Kiana Reeves, Somatic Sexuality Educator, Pelvic Care Practitioner
Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D., sexologist
