After an amazing first date, you and Hinge hit it off and became a couple almost overnight. You text 24/7, meet each other's friends, spend weekends together - you might even start talking about the future. This can go on for weeks until you hit that dreaded three-month mark and you'll feel like you've struck dating app gold.
According to a viral theory on TikTok called the "Three Month Rule," this is the time when many relationships burn and fall apart. The texts dry up, the parties stop, and you suddenly realize that your new relationship won't last.
According to creator @annexmp (whose viral videos on the subject have racked up over 21 million views), there's something to be concerned about in three months. If you can survive this life-or-death moment, she says, there's a good chance you'll go on to have a happy, long-term relationship. But that's often not the case.
In her comments section, one person said, "The three month rule is so accurate I hate it," while another wrote, "Bro, [my relationship] ended the week we hit three months , even though he said [it] wouldn't surprise anyone in the dating world, the comments had tens of thousands of likes.
Of course, dating someone for a few months before getting serious is simple common sense. Not to mention, not every relationship lasts. TikTok is filled with some not-so-obvious theories and dating advice, but this one is so common it really makes you wonder what's going on.
Below, relationship experts explain why the viral three-month rule is so real, what causes it to happen, and how to overcome it (if you're into it).
The renamed honeymoon phase
On TikTok, creators say the three-month rule often marks the beginning of the end of a relationship, possibly for three reasons. They say that when the infatuation phase is over, when you start to see your partner for who they really are, when you determine whether your personalities and values align.
If you're familiar with the happy, carefree honeymoon phase of a relationship, this concept may not seem so surprising. Angelika Koch, a certified love and breakup expert at dating app Taimi, says most honeymoon phases, which typically last three to six months, occur when the novelty wears off and your relationship is no longer as exciting as when you first met. will end.
Instead of steamy hookups and fun, flirty dates, real daily life begins to simmer into monotony. Their next orgasm," she tells Bustle, and just like that you're in a hallucination.
Why three months?
On TikTok, creator @helena_xo22 said she knew she was approaching the three-month rule when her partner's texts started getting dry—and sure enough, they parted ways soon after. Someone said in the comments section, "It will be three months before the real performance is released. That's crazy."
For those people you meet on Hinge, Tinder, etc. who are not looking for a serious relationship, they may sense that the honeymoon period is coming to an end and decide to call it quits before things get too serious or official.
This stage can also be the time when many people begin to work hard to hide their true selves. Many people will break down and reveal their bad character, or they will run out of energy to continue love bombing you. That's why many experts, including Koch, recommend dating someone for at least three to six months before officially dating.
"Three months is a good time frame to give you a rough idea of who this person is," she said. "It helps you understand if they're a gamer, if they have red flags, or if they're genuinely trying to build a relationship."
How to spend the three months rule
While a sudden change in someone's feelings after 12 long weeks can be a shock, it can be helpful to think of the three-month rule as a moment of clarity. If you're looking for something stable and long-term, your partner's change of heart can set you free.
One person under @annexmp’s viral video said it best: “No, because if I’m still chasing someone after three months, I’m going to give up because if they don’t want me back, I’m wasting my time. "They were very real about it.
If you're someone who loses interest after three months, the best thing you can do is be honest about it. Chat with other people so they don't get confused. You can also be honest about what you're looking for at the beginning, although many people on TikTok say this doesn't help get people to stick around. If someone doesn't want a long-term relationship, you can't really change their mind, and that's okay.
Beyond that, as long as you're still having a good time, you should continue dating after three months, even if things feel uncertain. "If you're not sure about each other, give it some more time," Koch said. “Sometimes it takes up to six months to figure out if this is the right person for you.”
To keep getting to know each other, she says to go out often, plan fun little dates, and keep talking about what you want in a relationship. If you're like-minded, you can easily get past the three-month mark.
source:
Angelika Koch, Certified Relationship Expert
