Even if you're not one of the millions of students who have just returned to school, you'll always associate the beginning of September with back-to-school rituals: having your book list delivered by an owl; going shopping in Diagon Alley after returning to school, buying groceries, and maybe a new pet; hop aboard the Hogwarts Express, where you'll meet your friends and speculate who the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher will be...well, maybe that's you The hoped-for back-to-school ritual.
Even though we can't actually attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, we do feel like we have after reading seven books that coincide with Harry Potter's seven (technically six) years of wizarding education. Big fan of the How to Get Into the Hogwarts Kitchen series, the deep secrets of caretaker Argus Filch, all the secret passages in and out of the school, and of course which teachers are the best and which ones to avoid of.
While education is mentioned several times throughout the series as being "vital" to young witches and wizards, Hogwarts' exact teaching certification requirements and hiring policies are never explicitly revealed (unless you're Lord Voldemort. Then you definitely won't be hired) ). Whether professors end up teaching at Hogwarts because they know the right people, are in the right place at the right time, or are just there forever, the institution's aimless approach to hiring creates a rather eclectic workforce teaching team.
So how good are the professors at Hogwarts? Now comes a comprehensive ranking of Hogwarts instructors, from worst to best. *
* Only professors who have taught at least one class in the series are included in this list. Professors who are only mentioned or appear in non-classroom settings are not ranked.
15. Dolores Umbridge
Topic : Defense Against the Dark ArtsTerm : Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Rounding out the list with a bullet is Senior Undersecretary of Magic Dolores Umbridge, who takes her title of "witch" very , very seriously. Not only was she an intolerant, sadistic government sycophant who tortured students and abused her power during her tenure at Hogwarts, but she wasn't a very effective teacher either. Umbridge strictly adhered to the Ministry-approved theory-based curriculum and eschewed the practical applications of Defense Against the Dark Arts, much to the disdain and hurt of her students. (It was not stated whether this was a comment on the potential dangers of government involvement in education.)
14. Gilderoy Lockhart
Topic : Defense Against the Dark Arts
Tenure : Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
So much beauty, so little brains. Gilderoy Lockhart is the college equivalent of Hogwarts, hiring a celebrity professor to boost publicity and enrollment. It's a pity that he can only talk about it but can't put it into action. With all due respect, Dumbledore, here's a pro tip: When hiring a teacher, make sure he actually has all the skills to teach students.
13. Quirinus Chilo
Topic : Defense Against the Dark ArtsTerm : Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Note to self: If you want to be an effective teacher, don't let Voldemort's spirit take over your body during the school year. Side effects may include killing a unicorn for its life-giving blood, as well as attempting to murder your students on Voldemort's orders. Even though we know more powerful wizards have succumbed to Voldemort, you might think that as a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Quirrell would be a little more careful.
12. Cuthbert Binns
Topic: Magical History Tenure: Harry Potter 1-7
Call me a geek, but I've always thought History of Magic sounded like a cool subject; I mean, witch hunts, goblin rebellions, and massive wars are all exciting, right? Unfortunately, A History of Magic falls victim to the classic school trope—a good subject ruined by a boring teacher. Due to his monotone delivery style and inability to connect and engage with his students, it's no surprise that overachieving Hermione Granger is the only student able to stay alert enough to keep up. Even I would be asleep before Binns could say, "The Gargoyle Attack of 1911..."
11. Sybill Trelawney
Topic : Divination Term : Harry Potter 1-7
In schools, there's always the problem of how to teach the unteachable—a subject that requires an inherent skill or aptitude that not everyone has. Sybil Trelawney believed that divination was one such subject - students without the ability to predict were almost SOL. Unless that's just her excuse for being a somewhat incompetent teacher. While Trelawney did possess second sight, based on her ability to make accurate predictions every 13 years or so, she unfortunately was unable to divine a way to influence her vision in her tea leaves or crystal ball. Most students, with Lavender Brown and the Patil twins being the major exceptions.
10. Florence
Topics : Divination Term : Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
After Trelawney was fired by Umbridge in Order of the Phoenix, Dumbledore summoned centaurs from the Forbidden Forest to keep the crystal ball spinning. While Firenze's lessons were often as obscure as Trelawney's, he at least acknowledged that his method of divination based on stargazing was imprecise and open to interpretation. Fiorentina deserves five points for its honesty.
9. Severus Snape
Subject : Potions Subject : Defense Against the Dark Arts Term : Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Term : Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Of course, this ranks a bit low for arguably the best Harry Potter character, but remember, it's about the quality of teaching, and unfortunately, Snape doesn't excel in that regard. Snape was prone to favoritism and bullying, and he often left his students (with the exception of Slytherin, of whom he lavished praise) in a state of anxiety that prevented them from studying and completing their assignments. While I understand the reasons behind Snape's resentment issues, from the much sought-after Defense Against the Dark Arts position he had been denied to inadvertently causing the death of his one true love, a truly dedicated teacher would not take his resentment out on on his students. Thankfully, Snape had the whole "protect Harry because he always loved Lily" character arc that saved him from being last on the list.
8. Rubeus Hagrid
Topics : Care of Fantastic Creatures Tenure : Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
This is even more heartbreaking. Sure, Hagrid is a lovable, loyal, generous, and courageous friend, but he's also a pretty incompetent teacher. His lesson plans lack coherence and consistency, and he frequently puts students in harm's way (trying to justify a unit on Blast-Ended Skrewts to the Board of Education). Not to nitpick, but a not-so-inconsequential detail about his expulsion from Hogwarts - this guy only had a third year education. But what’s the strongest evidence of Hagrid’s unfortunate lack of teaching skills? Even Harry Potter - who could count Hagrid as his first friend - couldn't bear to stay in Hagrid's Care of Magical Creatures class for any longer than necessary.
7. Horace Slughorn
Topic : Potions Term : Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
There's a reason Slughorn is in the middle of this list - he's not a bad teacher, but he's not a great teacher either. Like other teachers, he is prone to favoritism, and even though our hero Harry Potter is the one who gets special attention, it's still not a good quality to have in a teacher. He is also a great example of how sometimes, even as a teacher, you have to be careful with information. Although it is likely that young Tom Riddle received the instructions for making the Horcruxes elsewhere, a lot of trouble might have been avoided had Slughorn kept the information secret. Slughorn's potions knowledge was useful, however, and his more relaxed teaching style allowed students like Neville Longbottom to demonstrate their talents in the classroom for the first time.
6. Wilhelmina Gruplank
Topics : Care of Fantastic Creatures Tenure : Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Although Professor Grupplan only appeared as a substitute lecturer in Care of Magical Creatures, it was clear that she had an advantage over Hagrid. When she intervened during the mission of Hagrid's giant envoy in Order of the Phoenix, even Harry had to admit that he was "very annoyed that he had just had an exemplary Care of Magical Creatures lesson." Her lessons involving unicorns and bowtruckles seemed more appropriate for her adolescent students, and she wasn't prone to outbursts like Hagrid.
5. Pomona Sprouts
Topics : Herbology Tenure : Harry Potter 1-7
Professor Sprout, Professor of Herbology and Head of Hufflepuff House, is another example of a perfectly competent Hogwarts lecturer who doesn't get a ton of face time (I guess in class Talent is not as interesting as incompetence). Her lessons follow a logical pattern (as skill levels increase, students are introduced to increasingly difficult plants and herbs), she's always concerned about safety ("earmuffs!"), and she can whip up a drink if necessary Common Mandrake Restoration Potion. One hundred points to Hufflepuff!
4. Filius Flitwick
Theme : Charm
Tenure : Harry Potter 1-7
Considering how important charm is to the wizarding world, it's a relief that Harry Potter and his companions have a professor as proficient as Flitwick. Despite his diminutive stature (fun fact: Flitwick is half-goblin), he has an encyclopedic knowledge of spells and incantations. He also possesses a patient yet firm teaching style that creates a safe, supportive learning environment, and understands that being sent flying around the classroom while teaching banishing spells is simply an occupational hazard.
3. Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody
Topic : Defense Against the Dark ArtsTerm : Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Or should third place really be Barty Crouch Jr., since technically the Death Eater is the one who teaches all the Defense Against the Dark Arts classes? Regardless, Harry and his classmates received a year of DADA training from the former Auror, which included an introduction to the Unforgivable Curse, which would soon come in handy. Some thought the courses were too esoteric for fourth graders, but Moody already had his finger on the pulse of his students and knew they not only could handle it, but needed it. He taught us the most important lesson of all: always be alert!
2. Remus Lupin
Topics : Defense Against the Dark Arts Tenure : Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Lupine is very close to the number one spot on this list. His short tenure and tendency to indulge his students' mischievous tendencies may have worked against him, but other than that, he was undoubtedly one of the best teachers Hogwarts has had in recent years. Lupine is knowledgeable and thorough about his subject, encouraging and supportive, providing students with the practical DADA skills they need and giving them the confidence to perform them. Not to mention the greater life lessons Lupine teaches us about tolerance, acceptance, and courage. His resignation at the end of Prisoner of Azkaban was a blow not only to Harry, but to all future students who didn't get the chance to learn from him.
1. Minerva McGonagall
Topic : Metamorphosis Term : Harry Potter 1-7
I don't know what certifications other Hogwarts professors have, but Minerva McGonagall - transfiguration expert and deputy headmistress - definitely has hers: a bad-ass degree, that is. Tough, no-nonsense, fearless, and brilliant, McGonagall clearly ranks high on this list. She is the kind of teacher anyone who loves learning aspires to - challenging but fair, confident in the ability of all her students to excel, and always prepared with the right amount of enthusiasm. McGonagall has been a staple at Hogwarts for many years. Hope she never leaves.
Photo: Getty Images, Giphy; Warner Bros. Pictures
