I was in Cuba and had just fallen in love with a handsome, tanned painter from Havana. He was poor, had curly hair, tanned skin, an adventurous spirit and a boyish spirit. Deep into my Havana Nights adventure (the only way, more x-rated), I think Jose has fulfilled every possible fantasy of mine. Until we got off the ferry and headed to the poorer side of town – his neighborhood. Jose got out of the car first, then reached over to the bow and held out his hand to me.
"Confias en mi?" ("Do you trust me?")
He grinned. I fainted. I let his hand hang there for a moment. Then I caught it. hard. My Aladdin fantasy truly came full circle. As I stepped off the ferry, I had a sneaking suspicion that my romantic life might have just peaked.
José’s joke was no accident. The U.S. trade embargo with Cuba didn't stop José and many other Cubans my age from growing up watching pirated Disney movies like Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, The Lion King and "Hua Mulan". But his favorite person, like most people I've dated? The character he is most often compared to: Aladdin.
I'd noticed this slight resemblance before, but it wasn't until that moment that a familiar thought popped into my head - whether I had a specific romantic type because I'd learned it from my childhood Disney prince crush It, or if I'm obsessed with a specific type of romance. Are Disney princes a fascination because they've always been my type? It's been a chicken-and-egg question—or rather, a Disney prince or a madwoman—for years.
I don’t have the answers—but I do know how these “guys” shaped my adult dating life, for better and for worse. (Disney Princess Obsession, alas, that’s another article, coming soon.)
Here's what your favorite Disney prince has to say about your type—and how your love for that cartoon character will forever screw you over in the realm of relationship expectations. I should know. I've dated all of them.
1.Prince Eric
The moment you fall in love: You're your four-year-old self when he's playing with Max on the boat, and I was. so. exist .
This says a lot about your type: Ah, a woman after my own heart. Prince Eric was your first love and he cemented your love for tall men with dark hair, big smiles, strong jaws, shapely eyebrows, beautiful blue eyes and... the list goes on. You still love a man who loves water and dogs, who has a boyish yet classic masculinity that makes him look like he could light your fire, make you dinner, and playfully throw you into bed.
You also think you have good taste in men...which is why you're a serial monogamist.
Favorite sex position: Spooning.
How Prince Eric Screwed You Up: Part of you thinks you really shouldn't put in that much effort to make men fall in love with you - I mean, can't they see your amazing nature? Don’t they think you saved them in your previous life? Words can sometimes feel like they demean something; shouldn't you convey everything through a series of meaningful, profound looks?
And when a guy can't sweep you off your feet easily, you've got a problem that no amount of funky singing shellfish can solve.
2. Beast
The moment you fall in love: between covering Bella's eyes before he hands her the library to her and the ballroom dancing scene, it's a difficult moment to decide.
This says something about your type: You know the type of guy you like will get a lot of flak for being a jerk, but your friends can't see what he's like when he's alone with you. Yes, he can be a bit rude, and his behavior is often misinterpreted as rudeness. Yes, when he meets your family, he might offend them by being too explicit about politics or animal rights, or how much time he spends on conspiracy theory message boards. But you liked his strong, opinionated nature. Plus, when you argue, something productive always comes out of it, even if it's just hot makeup sex.
For the man with a killer book collection and chest hair, you're interested too. (Guilty. Accused.)
Favorite sex position: Doggy style, duh.
How the Beast Screws You Up: It turns out some people are just assholes. You've fallen in love with a few guys and wasted more time than you'd like to admit trying to change a man. Sometimes you mistake anger for passion, and you spend too much energy traveling and learning trying to work with someone who will never change. Sure, some beasts transform into handsome princes; but some are just giant, grumpy dog-men, no matter what you do to their magic roses.
3. Man and beast
The moment you fall in love: *See above.
This says something about your type: You like a man with pretty boyish, almost girlish fair features... and a manly figure . It's a combination that makes you want to abandon your family and live in a remote castle somewhere, which is entirely possible one day in the future. You may have already jumped into the man bun trend.
Favorite sex position: Butterfly, like that beautiful position he transforms into.
How Beasts Screw You: Every time there aren't actual fireworks falling from the sky during a first kiss and your room doesn't suddenly transform into a gothic castle, a part of you feels genuine disappointment. You also tend to think that deep down inside every asshole there's a good guy with really good back muscles just waiting patiently to come out. Shockingly, this is often not the case.
4.Aladdin
The moment you fall in love: A photo says a thousand unrealistic, expectation-building words:
It says something about your type: Girl, I get you. You like your man to be playful, adventurous, a little rough, and maybe a little stubble. He was generally a hungry artist type, but what he lacked in money he certainly made up for in charm and generosity of spirit. You'll do almost anything for a man with a great smile, but like Jasmine, you won't accept lies, or shit in general.
You know how to make this type of man weak in the knees by strategically rotating your hips, and even though he likes to think he's the one in control, you know better. Plus, you might get into bondage with the scene where Jasmine is tied up.
Favorite sex position: Three-legged doggy (can you believe me?).
How Aladdin Screwed You Up: You've definitely, definitely dated a lot of men who lacked direction. Some of them also keep secrets from you, and even though you know it's happening on some level, you find yourself blocking out the obvious in ways that are ridiculous in retrospect (like Aladdin and Prince Ali are apparently the same person) ).
And, as it turns out, some starving artists don't actually produce much art. They just steal things, try to avoid the police, believe in magical ideas, and smile too much at other girls.
5. Simba
The moment you fall in love: I've gone on record as saying that the diary scene where he "turns into a lion" made me feel something in my pants a long time ago.
This says a lot about your type: There's no shame in that, honey. They personified these characters. What if you like someone with a rocky past? He has some problems to solve, but his heart is pure and sensitive. In addition, he has beautiful hair and a very strong chin.
Favorite sex position: Girl on top ( Pegs you again! ).
How Simba screws you up: You like people who are hurt in some way, and you think you can heal their pain. Your crush is also often driven by guilt or avoidance of something, and is easily distracted. They have daddy issues and tend to be too focused on living up to the standards others have set for them. Maybe some of them are finally letting their guard down and letting you see into their secret, gentle souls. But some people will definitely end your six-month relationship by saying, "I'm sorry you thought we were dating, but..."
6.Prince Charming
The moment he falls in love: Anytime he chases Cinderella.
What it says about you: Look, everyone has their own opinion, but...really? Okay, okay, you're a classicist. You enjoy the good old-fashioned fantasy of a man saving you with his true love, and don't really ask for much more than that in a relationship. There's nothing wrong with that (except maybe everything, but we can talk about that later). Look, someone needs to date regular, super boring guys who just want to get married, so it better be you. You've been accused of being too simple before, but so what if you just like vodka with cranberry juice and embracing your Mindy Project ?
Plus, everyone else you know seems to be either a bird or a rat without pants, so your standards for true romantic relationships aren't very high .
Favorite sex position : Missionary.
How Prince Charming Screws You Up: Your friends often secretly question your taste in men, but they feel like they can't really tell you because technically, there's nothing wrong with the man you choose. You know, except that they tend to lack personality and are boring as hell.
7. General Li Shang
The moment you fall in love: Honestly, his shitty behavior in this song does it for you:
This says something about you: No, it doesn't mean you "like Asian men," idiot. That said, you're more inclined than many of your friends to date men from different backgrounds because it's boring to date only men who live the same life as you. You like guys who are athletic and calm; the strong, silent type. You love slowly melting his heart, like a delicious popsicle you want to lick off his abs. Then again, you're into man buns and probably enjoy rough sex (a lot).
Favorite sex position : Mark this spot with an X because he can aim his bow and arrow at you at any time.
How General Lee screws you up: You tend to get into relationships that don't quite work out and have a lot of long-term crushes that go nowhere. Sometimes, having a crush can even be better for you than having an actual relationship that might ruin the fantasy. You also like arrogant people who think they are better than you at everything. When you have that “pole-climbing” moment, you prove them wrong, right? correct?
Image: Giphy; Disney
