The Jonas Brothers are on tour and Taylor Swift's "Speak Now" is at the top of the charts. The Hollywood star wore low-rise jeans and a graphic baby T-shirt. Abercrombie had everyone's attention, and the indie pulp aesthetic flourished.
The time is 2023.
Nostalgia is a well-known fact—over the past few years, entertainment and fashion companies have capitalized on this truism in the form of movie prequels and sequels, album reissues, band reunions, and fashion trends. For many women in their 20s, their teenage pop culture obsessions are still a big part of their lives, but not because they're considered "cool" now. Rather, they are a way of escaping from the real struggles faced in early adulthood.
On TikTok, it's called "being a 20-something girl," with the hashtag #teenagegirlinher20s viewed more than 594,500 times. Under this label, users share things that fill them with adolescent whims, from recreating Taylor Swift's Eras Tour entrance to ignoring what retirement plans are all about. Women who identify with the term say realizing that their core interests persist as they get older can be very powerful and remove any shame they may have felt innately drawn to "girly" things when they were younger.
“I wasn’t the coolest [as a teenager], but I knew what I liked and I stuck with it,” Kristen, 29, said. Her childhood bedroom was filled with photos of the Jonas Brothers on J-14 and Tiger Beat. She even walked down the aisle at her wedding to their song "Hello Beautiful." The fact that something changed a decade later and she helped launch Nick Jonas's tequila brand through her public relations work was purely coincidental.
New media tapped into the same teenage heartache and anxieties that characterized early pop stars, and found adult fans in the process. Olivia Rodrigo's upcoming second album and Amazon Prime's The Summer I Turned Pretty, for example, are pillars of this viral trend. Kate, 24, said watching the Prime series as an adult allowed her to relate to each character, although she would never mention watching the show to older colleagues for fear they wouldn't understand. "I can relate to the adults [in the show], but at the same time, I'm rooting for [the younger characters] as if I'm living with them," she said.
View on TikTok
In a world where millennial heartthrobs release solo albums or make guest appearances on "Call Her Daddy," it's easy to sustain these obsessions into adulthood. Plus, the money you make from a full-time job allows you to experience them in a more tangible way.
"I've spent all my savings on [concert tickets] this year because I'm sure this is the year I have fun and be a teenager and then I can figure this out," said Karina, 27, Originally from Nicaragua, she lives in Germany and has attended five stops on Harry Styles' European tour.
Alyssa, 30, who lives between an apartment in Hoboken, New Jersey, and her childhood home in Boston thinks she'll always feel like a teenage girl. During our 40-minute call, she mentioned fan fiction 25 times and told me that she had recently fulfilled her teenage dream of buying a Tiffany heart necklace.
"This is my money and if I want it now, I can have it. [In your 20s], you move with a confidence and money that you didn't have [as a teenager]. It just goes with It comes with age,” she said.
Still, while some people might be financially obsessed with a concert ticket or jewelry they've been coveting for years, for 20-somethings, the state of our world isn't conducive to more traditional milestone investments.
"I thought [I'd be] ready to get engaged and buy a house," Meolah, 22, said. Clearly, the market was in much better shape a few years ago, and today, 30 is the average age at which women in the United States get married. "Everything was completely different than I imagined, and the only thing I really knew was my teenage years. So, why not step back into that place and start from there?"
Ravin Aulak, a registered clinical counselor, says that relying on teenage fixation is different for everyone, but can actually be reasonably treated. "A lot of 'girly stuff' is considered uncool because it brings women together, and the patriarchy doesn't want that," she said. "Community and connection are at the heart of all therapy. We can't do this alone."
The growing pains of teenage years are what young people really need to heal from. "Being a teenage girl is the absolute worst thing ever. It's exhausting," Kate said.
Last year, TikTok users revived the concept of the "inner child," a psychological phenomenon from the 1960s that Orak still finds relevant. "If you're sad and it's a hurt [as a child] that takes you back to your childhood, the inner child's work can look like comforting yourself in the way you want it to at the time," says Orak of the Internet's labeling of things Speed expresses doubt, like Peter Pan syndrome or failure to launch.
"We're at this stage in the world where we over-pathologize human nature and instead of trying to 'figure it out' or call it a syndrome, if we just say, 'Hey, these are things I like, maybe they originate But that's not necessarily a bad thing. Can I enjoy this and know that this is who I am, this is who I am?"
If dwelling on one's teenage years and memories doesn't interfere with a person's ability to live a fulfilling life now, Orak sees nothing wrong with that. It's an unwavering feeling for women who consider themselves girly at heart. "God, I wish I had always felt like this. I wish I had always been so interested in something and invested in something. I wouldn't have it any other way," Kate said.
After all, as Alyssa says, “As long as we’re all growing up, do we really have to grow up?”
expert:
Ravin Aulak , Certified Clinical Counselor and Podcast Host
