At the end of 2020, like many people around the world, Kimbra hit a breaking point. After losing a best friend, leaving his longtime record label and ending a near-codependent relationship, the New Zealander retreated to upstate New York alone to cope with his emotions. "I wasn't happy with the way I dealt with things like anger and anxiety," Kimbra tells Bustle. "When I go through bouts of depression, I use my art to look at myself, like, 'How can I transform this heavy emotion into something meaningful, even powerful, for the world?'"
Kimbra poured those feelings into her fourth studio album, aptly titled A Reckoning . “I’m not going to release a record that’s like a bunch of candy,” she says (though she clarifies, “I fucking love that stuff too”). Instead, in "The Reckoning," Kimbra lets go of the lingering resentment in her lost relationships and attempts to heal.
Even the album's lighter moments, like the energetic and hypnotic "Replay!," see Kimbra trying to stop fighting herself, repeatedly saying "I don't want to fight" in order to work toward a calmer future. "I think in my own relationships, I tend to not always know how to suppress some of my impulses," she admits. "We all have some dysfunctional relationships in our lives where we're just spinning in circles, always fighting. But it's also how much we fight with ourselves. It seems like I always wake up in a mental battle."
"Reckoning" coincides with the 10th anniversary of Kimbra's first Grammy win. In 2013, her collaboration with Gotye, "Somebody That I Old to Know," topped the charts and won two Grammy Awards, becoming the first New Zealander to win Record of the Year. Ten years later, Kimbra says the unexpected breakthrough hit resonates with her personally now more than ever. "When I first sang this song, I hadn't even gone through my first breakup," she said. "Now, it's suddenly a real experience that I sing about every night. Sometimes songs... they talk about your future."
The Reckoning also serves as a declaration of independence. “I felt a deep-rooted energy,” she said. "I did a lot of searching when I was younger, and I felt for her, you know?" Now, "This woman knows who she is. She knows the worst about herself and she knows the best about herself."
Below, Kimbra discusses winning two Grammys, the song she never wants to play live again, and what's going on with Gotye.
On the Grammys and Gotti's disappearance from the music industry
What are your memories of winning a Grammy?
I remember when we accepted the award and seeing Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez and Adele stand up and applaud us and say, "This is crazy right now." They are cultural shapers of the world, art and culture. . I also felt a deep sense of responsibility. When I get to a point like this, I'm like, "Okay, I hope it means something." I hope it inspires me to be more ambitious than ever, because if I'm on a song with someone that I'm just a fan of The fact that a song with vocals recorded in my bedroom can become the record of the year all over the world makes my musical dreams bigger than ever. I think some people have these successes and then get frustrated. I'm glad I actually felt free because I thought, oh, anything is possible.
Fill in the blank: The Grammy Awards are...
I would say it's fascinating because you have so many influential people in a room and you're witnessing this. I remember being like a kid at Disneyland or something, taking it all in, like, "Wow, sparkly clothes!"
Unlike you, Gotye hasn't released music since winning the Grammy. Do you still keep in touch with him?
We are very close. And he never works. It's just that he's very different from me in that he's very private and he's very secretive about his work. It's a hidden process until he's ready to share, but he absolutely will.
On the song she wants played at her funeral and the weirdest song she's ever written
What are your favorite karaoke songs?
I love the 80's and I find their shows very interesting. Maybe "Head Over Heels" by Tears for Fears. I can imagine its power really coming into play at karaoke.
What song would you like to play at your wedding?
I really have a soft spot for that song "Close to You" by The Carpenters. You know that one? [ Singing ] "Why do birds suddenly appear?"
What song would you like played at your funeral?
I don't want my death to be morbid. I don't want it to be a frustrating thing. I do want it to be a celebration, so it will be something that really excites me...but also encapsulates my life. Maybe a prince. "Kiss" that Prince sang at my funeral. That's so weird. My life is a kiss, you know?
What’s the weirdest thing about a song you’ve ever written?
A long time ago, a friend of my father's—he was an artist, so he was very dreamy—asked me to write a song for his ceramics exhibition. He showed me a clay pot that he wanted me to be inspired by, and I was probably about 14 or 15, and the song was called "The Pottery Song." I was just waxing poetic about this porcelain vase that he made and trying to come up with metaphors for it. But now that I think about it, writing a song is a really weird thing.
Is there an instrument you wish you could play?
I wish I was really good at the vibraphone. The one you go to ding, it's really big because it sounds so angelic.
What genre do you wish you were writing music in?
I really like ambient music, like meditation music without vocals, without drums. It can be really relaxing to make. And then I also make pure drum music... super rhythmic, no vocals, just drum machines. Complete opposites [of each other]. I mean, that's who I am.
Kathryn Hahn and why Incubus cuts too deep
Is there a song you can never listen to again and why?
Probably "Drive" by Incubus, because Incubus were a huge band in my life for a while and it's almost too emotional to go back and listen to them now. It's connected to my awkward, insecure high school years, which I loved, but I was tired of that period of my life. There are no shades to Incubus, but some of the songs will remind you of them a little too deeply.
Is there a song you never want to play live again?
Honestly, I love this song and I'm proud of it, but "90's music" from Golden Echo . It's so high. Every time I have to sing live I'm like, "Why am I doing this to myself? Why?" It goes to a lot of places and I just want to relax while I'm performing now.
Music snobbery is...
boring. If you really hate something, you should ask yourself why you hate it and delve deeper into it. It's very cynical to be snobbish about something that is one of the true positive forces in the world.
Who would you like to play you in the musical of your life?
Kathryn Hahn. When I grow up I want to be Kathryn Hahn. She's a very hilarious, funny yet wonderful actress and a strong woman to me and I would be honored if she played me in my life. She also has dark brown hair.
What’s the song you’ve ever written that you’re most proud of?
I wanted to "save me". I think a lot of people have said it spoke to them and that's a beautiful thing. I had to be very honest with myself to say these things out loud, and I guess I'm proud of the courage it took to make a song that spoke to a very difficult, low moment in my life.
I'm proud that I had the courage to say, "Fuck it. This is who I am. Life is hard, and sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in my feelings." I'm proud that I didn't run away from it.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity .
