In the back stall at Balthazar, Dolly Alderton told me about some of the minor disasters she encountered when she came over: First, she discovered that her dress—a black, tight-fitting , off-the-shoulder style – impossible to zip up without a zipper. help and had to contact the front desk clerk at her hotel. Then, as she put on her heels in the taxi, she discovered she had to unzip her skirt to reach her feet. "Terrible. Just awful," joked Alderton, author and Sunday Times advice columnist.
Alderton herself employs the same brazen, confident confessions that have made her Dear Dolly column a mainstay for nearly a decade and provided fodder for her novels—like the one she published this winter The latest work "Good Material " published in the United States immediately appeared on the New York Times bestseller list. The camera steadily appears as she orders a vodka martini ("very cold, very dry," she tells the waiter, then tells me how she makes them at home: jalapeño juice instead of olive brine) and discusses sex. the status of the scene ("He deserves a biscuit for giving you a shit, or fucking you when you're on your period"), or reflecting on our culture's current obsession with Irish men ("Jera in PS I Love You Gerard Butler has a lot of questions to answer”).
Perhaps Alderton's forthrightness helped her uncover the most compelling catalyst in today's love stories: miscommunication. "That's the easiest thing to get frustrated with and the audience's desire for the story to continue," the 35-year-old told me. "That's what being normal is about, intentions have nothing to do with actions. That's what 'One Day' ” theme, [two people] can’t seem to understand each other [how to] lose their chance.”
Alderton, who Lena Dunham calls a "modern love bard," also sees miscommunication as a thread through her own work. " Good Material " tells the story of 35-year-old Andy, a down-on-his-luck comedian who is dumped by his long-term girlfriend, Jen. He spends much of the book helplessly trying to understand why she left - despite the fact that she explicitly told him she just wanted to be left alone. Or Ghost (2020), in which a young woman endures the misadventures of a dating app, meets someone, gets directed, and then watches them disappear. Even Alderton’s memoir, the National Book Award-winning All I Know About Love (2018), explores how communication between female friends can become strained when single.
“When I wrote ‘Everything I Know About Love ,’ the question was, ‘Can platonic love last longer than romantic love?’ My best friend fell in love for the first time, and I thought it was A big hurdle," she recalls of her book, which was later adapted into a BBC One series. "It wasn't a barrier at all! The baby stuff was a huge barrier. It was at this point that a gulf opened up in each other's lifestyles."
She codified this "gap" into Good Material and has recently been watching it play out on WhatsApp, with New York magazine's "Why Doesn't Our Friendship Survive Your Kids?" shared widely among her friends this fall? about this. "Eight of my best friends were all in a WhatsApp group and I had a splintered group with two girls who didn't have kids. Then I realized because someone was sharing a screenshot or something, the moms had a Divided groups,” she said. The apps we create to help us connect only exacerbate such problems. The gap is so wide now, Alderton said, "I think it's just as brave not to have children at 35 as it is to have children."
After 40 minutes of marriage and baby talk—and a second round of drinks—I couldn't help but admit that even though I'm 31 and single, I fundamentally want to have children one day. "Same. It's so annoying," Alderton replied conspiratorially.
"I think not having children at 35 is just as brave as having children."
"I had my fertility checked. It's something I recommend to women who are nervous or feel like their body is the enemy, that's how you feel, before going down the egg-freezing route," she said. "I know some women who have frozen their eggs, and it's definitely been a weight off their shoulders. Almost immediately it feels like they can finally be in their lives. But I have to be completely honest, I know other women who feel like it's It's a huge physical ordeal that they're not prepared for, and they feel like they're being shoehorned into it in a way, and having eggs in the refrigerator is a burden."
The desire to open up to Alderton was contagious, whether it was a private message, a friend's engagement, or a celebrity crush (all of which I inevitably ended up confiding in her). In other places, this kind of oversharing might get me into trouble. But when I'm alone with the author—or with one of her novels—I'm relieved to find that I'm not the only one with communication problems. "I still feel like I'm the silly girl that all the boys make fun of at the lunch table," she admitted, prompting me to share more of the humiliation I suffered. Every day, we fail to see each other clearly, but no one expresses this disconnect like Alderton.
