We always hear that we can have better sex, better orgasms , or better relationships . But how often do we hear the substance of how to better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle hired sex therapist Vanessa Marin to help us iron out the details. There are no restrictions on gender, sexual orientation or question, and all questions will remain anonymous. Now, onto this week’s topic: how to stimulate a man’s prostate.
Question: "My boyfriend and I have been trying anal sex . He was really nervous at first , but we slowly relaxed into it. Now, when I give him a handjob or a blowjob, he enjoys playing with his ass. I think we All ready to take things to the next level I've heard of the prostate before , it's like the male's female G-spot (but not sure if that's just a myth...) I stay in his anus most of the time. The edge, or only an inch or so, so I don't think I've gone deep enough to find the prostate. How do I find the prostate and how do I use it once I get there?"
Answer: Thank you for your question! Glad you and your boyfriend are enjoying exploring. Just like the G-spot, there are a lot of misconceptions surrounding the prostate. Allow me to break them down and guide you on how to get started. Here are eight tips for exploring your prostate.
Learn prostate basics
Let’s talk about what exactly a prostate is. First of all, this is not a myth! It does exist. In fact, it's very similar to the female G-spot. (Women actually have prostates, too.) In men, the prostate is a gland located in the lower abdomen, just below the bladder. It is about the size of a walnut and swells when aroused. The prostate's job is to aid in reproduction; during orgasm, it secretes a fluid that makes sperm stronger and longer lasting.
Prostate massage is also said to have health benefits, including reducing the risk of prostate cancer and erectile dysfunction, although some doctors dispute these claims. But what you're most interested in is the pleasure benefits of the prostate, and that's indisputable! Prostate stimulation can lead to stronger orgasms and multiple orgasms, and some men can even achieve orgasm from prostate stimulation alone.
1. Take your time
With any type of anal sex, it's important to be very slow and gentle, especially at first. Make sure your nails are cut short and filed down. (Just like you might not appreciate jagged nails in your vagina, your partner won't appreciate nails anywhere near his butt.) Make sure you have lots of foreplay, and before you start taking the plunge, make sure your partner Feel relaxed and excited backdoor. As I mentioned above, the prostate swells when he's sexually aroused, so getting him really excited will also make it easier for you to find his prostate.
Once he feels ready, maneuver him into position. One of the best positions for prostate play is to sit with your guy's back against a wall or headboard with some pillows behind him. You'll have easier access if he puts his feet flat on the bed and his knees spread. Or you can sit your partner in a shallow armchair and push his butt to the edge of the seat. You squatted on the ground between his knees.
2. Select the perineum first
The prostate is located internally, so it cannot be touched directly. You have two options for external stimulation of your prostate - through the perineum (you probably know it for the odor!) or through the rectum. It's a good idea to start with the perineum first, especially if your partner is a little nervous. Even if you end up inserting your fingers into his rectum, it's still a good idea to warm up with a perineal massage first. This is a less direct method (more muscles on the way), so you need to use quite a bit of pressure.
Start gently stroking his perineum with your fingertips while using your other hand to help him masturbate. Gradually increase your stress level. Ask him to let you know when the pressure level is appropriate; or you can have him press his body against your fingers until he finds the pressure he likes. If the pads of your fingers don't provide enough pressure, you may need to use your knuckles instead.
3. Don’t forget the lubricant
If you're both ready for more, the next step is to try stimulating his perineum through the rectal wall. If you're going in, lube is a must. Rectal tissue is very sensitive, so lube will prevent him from feeling pain and make the experience more pleasurable. I always recommend silicone-based lubricants for anal sex because they last longer and feel better against the skin. Wicked makes an incredible anal-specific lube. Start with about a quarter of the amount. Apply it along the outside of his anus and onto the index finger of your dominant hand. Feel free to add more lube if necessary.
Anal Lubricant , $9, Amazon
4. Find it
The prostate is located about two inches inside the rectal canal. You don't have to go too far; it's very similar to the G-spot in that respect. Insert your finger slowly and gently. With your palms tilted upward, slide your fingers over the top of your rectum (the side under your belly). You're fumbling for walnut-sized balls of paper towels. It feels very different from other tissue in the rectum, so you should be able to find it relatively easily.
5. Stimulate it
Once you've found your prostate, start stroking the top of the prostate in a "come here" motion with your fingertips. Just like you did with your perineum, slowly increase the pressure level and keep checking in with your partner about what feels good to him. Once you find the pressure that works, try a few different shots to see which one he likes best. You can try making circles with your finger, holding your finger still and applying pressure, or moving your finger in and out.
Quick note: Many people report that they don’t feel great the first few times they have prostate stimulation. It's worth trying at least three times before making a final decision.
6. Teamwork
For your first exploration, it may be helpful to have you focus on the prostate and allow him to masturbate. He'll love the double stimulation, which will give you the chance to focus on exploring and becoming familiar with his prostate.
7. Consider using toys
LELO Bruno Vibrating Prostate Massager , $129, Amazon
Another option you can explore is using sex toys specifically designed to stimulate the prostate. Aneros is famous for having a full line of prostate toys. LELO recently entered the prostate market with toys such as Bruno and Hugo. He can also use toys to do some exploring on his own.
LELO Hugo Vibrating Prostate Massager , $199, Amazon
have fun!
Image: Hustle; Jiffy; Lele
