Sure, you can easily find someone on dating apps, but can you find love on Tinder? Through my own Tinder experience, I've learned that no matter what criteria you set, you can find a good Tinder match (I met my last boyfriend on Tinder after trying almost every site). Yes, it's an easy way for people who are not in a relationship to easily reach out (no pun intended) to other people who want a no-strings-attached date.
I know Tinder has a bad rap, but I know a lot of people I met on it, and not in a hookup way. I think it's like seeing a cute guy in a bar or bookstore, just another medium to meet people. Like anything in life, it all depends on your end goal. However, if you're looking for love and want to find more than a fling, a partner and more than just a random date, there are plenty of ways to adjust your Tinder game. From dating "study buddies" who help you evaluate potential matches to making sure your profile attracts the right people, here are some highly effective Tinder methods that can help you find love.
1. See what friends you have in common.
I love Tinder links to mutual Facebook friends. It feels like meeting a friend of a friend (FOAF) at a party rather than meeting a stranger on the internet, which is one of Tinder's big advantages over other sites. (Yes, I know OkCupid's algorithm is a strong suit for some, but FOAF Tinder is a big deal.) Also, they say you can tell a lot about someone by their company, so be sure to check that out if you A mutual friend with someone. There are potential matches. It's also a great conversation starter. And, you can always reach out to some of these mutual friends to serve as your own focus group about someone!
2. Read profiles, see all their photos and have a date "study buddy".
Don’t just focus on cute people. I know you've done it - we've all done it. I know Tinder "profiles" are only a few sentences long, but as a writer, I know the power of words when I see them. I used to write an online dating profile for e-Cyrano.com and learned that you can say a lot with very little. This is a big reason why I prefer Tinder to other dating sites - it allows us to get to the point faster than reading lengthy profiles. Poignant, short, and sweet.
Also, look for clues and keywords in Tinder profiles to see if they look like a match – now it’s time for you to become a dating detective! For example, I avoid people who mention sex, marijuana, or excessive drinking. I know you've probably already looked at this person's photos, but make sure you see all the photos, not just the profile photo. (Maybe you missed the scene where they do a headstand and a bong at the same time.) This may be a given, but be aware of the red flags: drinking, half-naked shooting, etc. It baffles me how many of my friends I have when I complain about finding a guy on Tinder and I immediately ask to see their profile and then frown — topless photos, incomplete suggestive sentences, etc. When in doubt, ask a friend to review the profile with you, such as a dating research partner.
3. Make sure your profile is clear and concise.
All you have on Tinder is your mini profile and photos (and sometimes FOAF connections), so make them the best you can. Like all those manifestation gurus who say “you will attract the love you want” it’s true. (Trust me, after years of dating, both online and offline, I know!) If you don't want to hook up, say so in the first sentence. People who don't like it don't have to swipe right, you've already eliminated a lot of people. The content of your profile indicates what kind of message someone will write you. When men and women complained and told me they attracted the wrong people on it, I asked to see their profiles. (In all my Tinder dates, I've only received one sexually explicit message, so I do think men read profiles!)
Also, now that you've carefully evaluated matching photos, make sure your photos don't send the wrong message based on what you're looking for. What are you wearing in the photo? Are there close shots, medium shots, and long shots? This is indeed what you need. No need for friends. It's a given, we all have friends. This is also where mutual Facebook friends through Tinder come in handy.
4. Extended distance setting.
We all know traffic is terrible in LA, and I know a lot of daters who have a very specific mileage radius on their dating profiles - they won't walk more than 10 miles or cross the 405 freeway ( They think of these "long distance" - long distance relationships"; they obviously haven't been in a relationship before (like I did from LA to Chicago). But this is your love life we're talking about. Your soul mate could be 11 miles away Outside, and you're missing out. Just because you've expanded your radius, it doesn't mean you have to marry someone on the other side of town, but you can at least have coffee with them.
5. It may seem like a game, but you should take it seriously.
We all know people who have grabbed each other's phones and swiped them left and right without any basis. But that's what you'll get: nothing. If your friend keeps naughty swiping right, you wouldn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, would you? (Would you like that?) Now, you can even pay a monthly fee to "undo" accidental matches.
6. Make these matches.
Yes, that's a given, but I'm surprised at how many friends complain about little to no matches. How can this be? ! There are thousands (actually millions) of people out there and no match? !
7. Don’t be afraid to write a match first.
Don’t settle for people who just message you first. By writing to someone first, this will open up more possibilities for you. But what did you say? see below.
8. Speak freely.
This is the principle. A few weeks ago, I helped a male friend set up his Tinder account. A few days later I contacted him to ask how the match was going and if he had made an appointment. He said he had a match but hadn't written to anyone - he didn't know what to write. anything! This is the answer! Yes, it would be great if you replied to something on their profile or asked how the person met one of your mutual friends, but you can really say anything. (Think about what someone said when he/she approached you in a bar or bookstore? Look!) However, make sure you ask questions because you want the other person to have some response.
9. Communicate as little as possible.
Yes, you have some competition! (Isn’t it a weird feeling of satisfaction when you start receiving them?) I know most of the world is addicted to texting and Tinder messages, but that’s the problem. Texting can be fun, but it's a false sense of fun, a fantasy, until you meet the person in real life. I think a few brief exchanges would be fine, followed by a few emails (if you don't have any mutual Facebook friends, I recommend using a fake email address, one without your last name - you don't want to be Google-able to strangers or stalking).
10. “Call first (before leaving).”
You may not remember that catchy, old slogan from American tech companies: “Call before you go,” but it’s true. You want to add a voice to your Tinder messages and make sure the guy or girl is a real person and not a bot. You also want to make sure he knows how to carry on a conversation, or at least has more than a one-word response. (I know a lot of people object to phone calls in the first place, "not everyone is a phone person," but I've found that it's often a good precursor to a date. You'll see.)
11. Remember, have fun!
I think the reason a lot of people complain about dating is that they complain about dating all the time. Instead of dreading your next date (this can be avoided with a pre-date phone call), be excited about it! After all, this might be the guy for you . Or you can make new friends. Or, you might never talk again (I've had my fair share of bad dates, and I sympathize with the complainers, but I try to view dating as a fun adventure rather than a terrible responsibility.) I Each of my Tinder dates was normal—one even stood up when I excused myself to the bathroom—but only one turned into a love connection. Remind yourself that there are a lot of people out there, and it only takes one great date with someone to go on multiple dates with the same person.
At the end of the day, you can't force you to love someone just because an app tells you they're a good fit. However, with Tinder, you can get a date faster. When your soulmate comes along, dating people—even people who don't end up being your soulmate—is good practice.
Photo credit: Clive Flint /Flickr; Jiffy (13), Natalia Lusinski
