True pop music royalty is rare but mighty: Madonna. Britney Spears. Beyoncé Taylor Swift. real housewives.
Well, that last one might be a range, since none of Bravo's stars actually rival the Queen of Pop. But those Housewives that have used the reality TV platform for good—namely taping pop dance jams—have been giving fans laughs, memes and escapism for more than a decade.
The Real Housewives songs have created some of the series' most iconic and hilarious moments, and their influence has lasted longer than anyone expected. Just look at Countess Luann de Lesseps' "Money Can't Buy You Class," which UberEats remixed for its holiday campaign 13 years after its release.
To celebrate the enduring legacy of their music, it's time to rank the many Housewives songs that have appeared in the Brave Universe. To accomplish this difficult task, some guidelines must be developed.
Only songs that were featured prominently on the show or were clearly inspired by the show will be counted, meaning tracks released before the artist's Bravo show existed wouldn't be allowed (if so, Kandi's "Don't Think I’m Not” will win). They must have been released on a streaming platform, which means the two RHOC rockers and Kim Zolciak's "Ring Didn't Mean A Thing" are not eligible, with one exception (more on that later).
Each person is limited to three songs. The entire cast from the "Housewives" universe, including family and friends, is allowed — because what would "Bravo" be without the talents of Vanderpump Rules' Shayna Shay?
In some cases, the songs were ranked confusingly, ranging from "bad but good" to "legitimately great." Without further ado, here’s a completely objective and definitive ranking of every major Real Housewives song to date.
25. Simon van Kempen, "I Am Real"
Best Lyric: “What you see is what you get, but don’t you get what I mean?”
The husband of "Real Housewives of New York" member Alex McCord is the only "Housewife" to date to record her own song, and it's as campy a disaster as you'd hope.
24. Gretchen Rossi, "Revelation"
Best Lyric: "I bet you'll hear this on the radio."
The Real Housewives of Orange County 's Gretchen debuted "Revelations" at a nondescript West Hollywood nightclub, which was the perfect location for the song. The lyrics are indecipherable and the auto-tune is over the top, but the beat will slap the dance floor.
23. Shereé Whitfield, “Somebody Check Me, Shhh.”
Best Lyric: "It's totally stupid to think you're sexier."
Atlanta Housewife Shereé has somehow turned one of her most iconic quotes into a rap song. The lyrics didn't make sense and her flow was non-existent. But if it puts you in a good mood, you'll love it.
22. Drew Sidora, "Already Known"
Best Lyric: "Make him wheeze like asthma."
Drew's ex-husband Ralph Pittman from The Real Housewives of Atlanta produced the song and put himself on the single cover, which pretty much says it all.
21. Danielle Staub, "Really Close"
Best Lyric: "When all my dreams are shattered, it seems like I've lost everything."
The Real Housewives of New Jersey's Danielle penned this love song with rumored ex Lori Michaels, and it might just be the most versatile Housewives single ever. The folk version and dance group performed hilariously on local news shows and Watch What Happens Live .
20. Adriana de Moura, "Fyah"
Best Lyric: "In the gallery of life, I am a masterpiece."
Ten years after releasing her first single, Adriana returned to the studio to record "Fyah," a Latin-inflected ode to Miami. While not reaching the heights of her debut, even her current nemesis Alexia Echevarria couldn't help but stand still.
19. Kim Zolciak, “Google Me”
Best Lyric: "My name is Kim Zolciak and you can find me on your TV screen."
In perhaps the most thoughtful song a housewife has ever written, RHOA's Kim decided to record a handy how-to guide on how to use Google. We should be very grateful.
18. Kenya Moore, "Gone with the Wind"
Best Lyric: "Don't get hurt, I'm great."
Kenya's only song to date is an even better example of how to turn an iconic RHOA quote into a feel-good bop, complete with a low-budget video that sets a new standard.
17. Candiace, “Insecure” (feat. Trina)
Best Lyric: "I'm not used to dealing with assholes."
The Real Housewives of Potomac's Candiace Dillard Bassett takes her style and visuals a step up in Insecure, a subtle homage to early '00s R&B. While the song isn't as catchy or quirky as Bravo's best songs, she deserves credit as the only housewife to achieve A-list stardom.
16. Erika Jayne, How Many Fucks Are There? 》
Best Lyric: "My friend, what did you just say? Money makes me deaf."
On her first single since joining The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills , Erika crafts one of her most catchy songs ever and offers a mantra to live by. Considering her on-screen persona, no housewife understood their songs more authentically than she did.
15. Kandi, "Flying to the Sky"
Best Lyric: "The drama comes with the bread, I take the cake."
There's no denying that RHOA 's Grammy-winner Kandi Burruss is the most musically gifted housewife, which is why this might feel low ranking for her. "Fly Below" is catchy, but not as interesting as those housewives songs that don't take themselves seriously.
14. Shayanna Shay "What I Like"
Best Lyric: "Can you go crazy, b*tch?"
Scheana made one of the most iconic music debuts on Bravo, performing at a famous Los Angeles club (The Roxy) wearing nothing but a tutu and an automatic tune, with Ariana Madix as dancer and Stassi Schroeder Watch with disgust. "What I Like" deserves this historic moment.
13. Porsha Williams, "Flatline"
Best lyrics: "When love has no pulse, I improve myself by being numb."
"Flatline" proved that RHOA's Porsha "265 Days a Year" Williams has one of the best voices in the Bravoverse, with enough melodrama and appeal to keep me unforgettable.
12. Milania Giudice, "Can't Wait to Grow Up"
Best Lyric: "Momma says it ain't easy, but I don't care, so what?"
Teresa Giudice's daughter is a scene-stealer on RHONJ with her saucy quips alone. At 14, Milania stepped up her game with a song that's as catchy, joyful, and ridiculous as anything the Bravo star has ever written.
11. Countess Luann, "Feelin' Jovani"
Best Lyric: "To hell with the countess, now I'm the queen."
On RHONY , Dorinda Medley interrupted Luann's song and dance performance and loudly shut down her co-star, dress designer Jovani. But Luann did put them on the map with her funk-infused songs, turning heckling into history in a tongue-in-cheek way.
10. Ashley Darby, "Coffee and Love"
Best Lyric: "Mickey Darby and Ashley Never Stop."
No "Housewives" song has aged as well as 2018's "Coffee & Love," a rollicking, romantic ode to Ashley's husband, Michael — from whom she's now separated. She even had her brother rap on the track. But this cringe-worthy verse, mixed with those shimmering dance beats, is what makes it so great.
9. Melissa Gorga, "Show"
Best Lyric: "You keep looking, I'll keep shining, that's what I'll do for you."
Melissa had the audacity to record a song that garnered overwhelming public attention before anyone knew who she was, and it paid off. "Show Me" is one of the most catchy hook-to-life mantras ever created, and remains her most valuable contribution to the " Real Housewives" franchise.
8. Gia Giudice, "Wake Up in the Morning"
Best Lyric: "I'm worried, worried, I just can't... shake this."
This song is the exception to our rule, as it arguably had a greater cultural impact than most songs on this list. Gia, 10, sang the devastating RHONJ ballad to her mum Teresa and uncle Joe Gorga in a plea to mend their relationship - but was never heard from again Sung. Ten years later, when you use TikTok, you will always hear her voice bursting into tears, accompanied by some minor inconveniences. Now this is a true pop icon.
7. Adriana de Moura, "Feel the Rush"
Best Lyric: "Live like la dolce vita, I'll be your mama."
To date, Adrianna is the only housewife to have had the honor of singing the show 's theme song, and for good reason. "Feel the Rush" captures the energy, charm and absurdity of its Miami cast.
6. Countess Louanne, “Money can’t buy class.”
Best Lyric: " You know where someone's been without even asking, he's either rude or he's got style and panache."
“Money can’t buy class” embodies Countess Louanne’s character. In her book on musical etiquette, Luann sings and tells you how to live your most luxurious life. Her songs have only gotten more chic and campy as time has gone on, but her debut will always be the most worthy of her royal title.
5. Erica Jayne, "XXpen$ive"
Best Lyric: " Look at me like a snack, a snack."
Most fans say they want to see slutty riches on The Real Housewives . "XXpen$ive" embodies this desire musically, with Erica unapologetically showing off her cars, fashions and glam lineup.
4. Shayanna Shay, "One Promise, One Thousand Dollars"
Best Lyric: "I open Pandora's Box for you."
At BravoCon, I spent $50 on Scheana's "Good As Gold" vinyl record. Yes, that's gold. Yes, it contains a screamo remix of a pop dance jam for no apparent reason. No, I don't regret it. If fans buying a $50 vinyl copy of a song en masse doesn't define the song as pop music or the legacy it created, then nothing does.
3. Countess Luann, “Chic, that’s life”
Best Lyric: "Beauty, elegance and elegance reside in the soul."
Luann brags about her fabulous jet-setting lifestyle over a smooth dance beat, complete with a French chorus and the name RHONY , which has become the prototype for housewives songs. It even inspired parodies on Saturday Night Live and 30 Rock (ironically, the song was sung by future Housewife Denise Richards).
2. Candace, "Drive Back"
Best Lyric: " Making me mad from head to toe."
"Drive Back" belongs on 2000s R&B radio, hitting the nostalgic sweet spot with sophisticated songwriting, impressive vocals, and an anthemic chorus worthy of a Bravo Award. Mia Thornton may have called the video "low-budget," but the whole thing feels more lavish and expensive than most Bravo songs to date.
1. Kim Zolciak, "Late for the Party"
Best Lyric: "Drop that top, yeah, it's my world."
Zolciak and Kandi kicked off the Housewives catalog with "Tardy for the Party," and it hasn't been surpassed since. It has all the hallmarks of a classic Housewives song: bouncy dancey synths, over-the-top Auto-Tune, Grammy-worthy lyrics, Razzie-worthy lyrics, years of subsequent lawsuits, and awkward performances and casting reactions that have become memes. Bravo fans will be singing this catchy song for decades.
