In modern times, toxic masculinity is all the rage. The movie "300 " hit theaters and convinced every young person in America that the coolest thing to do was to wear a loincloth and kill people. Friday Night Lights graced our televisions and introduced bad boy running back Tim Riggins to a generation of women. FNL 's leading lady Minka Kelly and legendary New York Yankee (and playboy) Derek Jeter are a "celebrity couple." The NFL has become a fertile dating ground, bringing together Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo, Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush. These men are hyper-dominant alpha males who just ooze testosterone and barely hide their insecurities—“Not gay,” they say, while making each other protein powder smoothies.
But that man's time has passed. Today, the highest compliment a man can receive is to be called a "baby girl," and physical strength no longer plays the same role. Just ask "Saturday Night Live " baby girl Jacob Elordi, who carries a purse and paperback books to offset his towering 6-foot-5 frame. Or Paul Mescal, who combined his thick thighs with a deep appreciation for Sad Girls music and frequently posted photos of Mitski and Ethel Cain on his Instagram Stories ) song. Not to mention the cozy, almost queer-baiting behavior these two have displayed with their co-stars (Barry Keoghan and Andrew Scott, respectively) in the latest news cycle. When these men shift their focus from washboard abs to supple midriffs, they send the message that they're nothing like the problematic archetypes of the past. They're sensitive, non-threatening, and clearly Princess Diana's cipher.
Lately, this softening has also seeped into the white-hot epicenter of toxic masculinity: the locker room. Whether it's Travis Kelce and his unabashed goofiness at girlfriend Taylor Swift; or Miami Heat power forward Kevin Love balancing him out ’s mental health advocacy and his art collection; or Love’s teammate and emo king Jimmy Butler, who spends his spare time making country music albums, playing dominoes, and practicing latte art — they’re Giving way to a new Platonic ideal of manhood.
Say hello to the “soft jock”: the jock (or athletic-looking man) who chooses to forego the “alpha male” in favor of embracing emotions that teammates once dismissed as “beta.”
These athletes are like Rebecca*’s husband, who grew up playing football and now loves his fantasy league as much as the Barbie movies. "He's 6 feet tall and has a solid build, so no matter how lazy he is, he always has biceps. But he loves listening to classic Disney soundtracks like the original Beauty and the Beast while he works, which gives our dog more energy than me. Lots of snacks and crying during The Last of Us Episode 3," she tells Bustle.
Or like Hillary's most recent ex-boyfriend: "He was a 5-foot-9 fitness junkie who coached middle school basketball and told me he was on antidepressants, so that's why he couldn't stay strong when we had sex. .How can I be angry? Gentle King!"
Men have learned that they can look awesome while still maintaining an absolutely awesome vibe—or, more simply, they can own their movements and emotions, too.
"I do think a lot of [the attraction] is feeling safe and not being afraid of this physically strong guy. Personality seems to be a big part of it," said Hannah, who encounters a steady stream of soft athletes at her BJJ gym.
"I do think a lot of [the attraction] is feeling safe and not being afraid of this physically strong person. Personality seems to be a big part of it."
While many of the women I spoke to were just starting to use Soft Jocks, this prototype isn't entirely new. Lately, we've witnessed the rise and fall of similar tropes: the "wife man," the "blonde boyfriend," the "himbo," and even the "yogurt man." Yet while Soft Jock shares many of the positive qualities of his predecessors—such as their optimism, admiration for their partners, and confidence—he eschews their shortcomings: He's not (usually) as stupid as Humber. Stone-like, and not over yet - longing to approve of his partner, like the wifey guy or golden retriever guy, or pretentious like the yogurt guy. Instead, he was effortless, warm, and friendly, but not intentionally so. (One does not try to be a soft athlete; one simply tries to be a soft athlete.)
He was also a pioneer in pop culture. Just ask Kirsty, who grew up in Edinburgh, where "teenage boys looked like they were made of spaghetti" and who often fantasized about the soft (American) athletes she saw on screen. "Like Ryan in 'The O.C. ,' he's a football player who's strong enough to save Marissa from a car accident, but soft enough to wail 'Hallelujah' in the background Cry. Alex Karev on Grey's Anatomy is a former wrestler with a soft heart," she said. Nowadays, she looks for men who love their little hobbies as well as their sports – like her ex, an American football player who became a ceramics artist: “I bet you can find someone more slutty. Soft athlete combination.”
Debauchery, maybe not, but there's definitely a lot of Ryan and Karev in the cultural consciousness, whether it's the newly popular subgenre of books, the heroes of hockey romance novels, or current bachelor Joey Graziadei, who's in A tenure as a professional tennis player before joining the reality show. (It was actually Bachelor Nation member Tyler Cameron who led me to awakening to soft jocks due to his big brother-like friendship with JoJo Siwa and his ability to carry a 220-pound boat through the ranks on GI Joe river.) And, of course, there's the man of the moment: Travis Kelce. Whether he's making his own friendship bracelets to woo Swift; cooing to his young nieces ("Hey, sissy!") on his New Heights podcast; or on the court with his brother Jason Engaging in tender, emotional exchanges — Kelce has won legions of fans and inspired tweets like “Is there a phrase that describes the antonym of toxic masculinity?” Soft masculinity, sticky masculinity, sky-scoring bursts of masculinity. "
People I spoke to had two diametrically opposed views on his significance to the cultural status quo: Either “Soft Jock” is a refreshing change of pace, or he’s a false sign of progress—a testament to male softness. Sex is only desirable if your biceps are as big as your head.
One of the optimists is romance novelist Lyssa Kay Adams, author of " The Bromance Book Club," a club in which a baseball player joins starts a secret romantic book club of all alpha males to help spice up his marriage. "The 'Access Hollywood' tape was [the turning point] for me," Adams said of the romance genre's shift away from Christian Grey-esque alpha males. "It's the culmination of everything we fear when we leave a room full of men who immediately resort to the most toxic form of male bonding: the sexual debasement of women." As for the state of romance heroes in 2024, she Adding, "These books, and even Ted Russo 's characters, give us hope that there's someone pushing back against the lessons many of us have been taught since childhood that equate physical masculinity with unkindness." .
Journalist Michelle Ruiz recently wrote a column for Vogue titled “I followed Taylor Swift into her NFL era—and I didn’t look back,” in which she believes There is some double-talk. "People have a basic, primal desire for [Travis Kelce]. In my texts and other people's texts... they see him as a tall, attractive, stocky man, but at a very low level," she said . "Softness is definitely more acceptable socially and culturally in a Travis Kelce-shaped package. He can be vulnerable and lovable and likeable in interviews and stuff because he's kind of like this strong man, traditional Attractive 6-foot-5 NFL tight end."
"[Travis Kelce] can be vulnerable, lovable and likeable in interviews and other situations because he's sort of the traditionally attractive 6-foot-5 NFL tight end."
Meaning, anyone can get soft, but unless you can also bench press 250 reps, don't expect to celebrate it. "We think that people who challenge the paradigm of gender norms tend to have what's called 'sexual capital,'" says Jason Rogers, an Olympic medalist and regular Men's Health contributor. "It's also a status bend, like 'I'm so masculine in some ways that I can step away from the masculine archetype without fear of being judged. In fact, I can accumulate more social capital by doing this .”
Yet in an internet culture where we're so eager to flatten people—and men themselves tend to be flattened—soft jocks still have the power to resist our ready-made molds. Or as Rebecca puts it, “Human beings are wired to categorize, and we get confused when things don’t fit neatly into a box. So fundamentally, celebrating soft athletes is acknowledging that people are not one-dimensional ." Man: They are human beings too.
* For anonymity purposes, first names are used, and pseudonyms are provided upon request.
