6 dating app tips to try if you're looking for a serious relationship

Dating apps have become the standard way to meet someone when you're single, so if you're currently swiping or have done so in the past, welcome to the club. A 2019 Pew Research Center survey found that 48% of U.S. adults ages 18 to 29 had previously used a dating app or website, meaning nearly half had browsed the dating pool. And if you want a serious partner rather than a hookup or friend with benefits, how you use these apps — including how you craft your profile and how you communicate in messages — will Makes all the difference.

Master certified relationship coach Amie Leadingham says the first thing to remember when looking for a relationship in the digital world is: be patient. "Don't expect to swipe right a few times and find your soulmate. Finding someone who shares your values ​​and is looking for the same things as you takes time," Leadingham tells Bustle. After all, patience is a virtue—love can’t be rushed.

Sifting through all the profiles on Hinge or Bumble can cause dating fatigue for anyone, especially if you're using the app to find a long-term partner. So if you're looking for your forever farmers' market date, you're in luck: Here, experts reveal their best dating app tips for finding a relationship.

1. Identify what you are looking for

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The sheer number of people you might need to browse in order to find the right match can be overwhelming, so Leadingham recommends being clear on what exactly you are looking for first when creating your profile. “Make your intentions clear from the beginning, and you’ll be more likely to find like-minded people,” Leadingham says. "If you want a long-term relationship, don't be afraid to be honest on your dating profile. Honesty will help weed out those who disagree and invite more serious prospects into your inbox."

2. Be picky about the dating apps you use

The type of app you use can also have a significant impact on your success in finding a quality match, says Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, professor of sexual communication at California State University, Fullerton and host of the Luvbites with Dr. Tara podcast . "Choosing the right dating app can help weed out people who just want to hook up," she said, noting that Tinder has a reputation as a "hookup app" (although that wasn't the founder's intention). "Bumble, Hinge, Match.com, Zoosk and other paid apps are more suitable because if you are paying to date online, you are probably very serious about finding a romantic partner," Suwinyattichaiporn said.

3. Create a clear resume

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As the second thing people see when they see your profile, writing a great dating app bio is crucial - especially if you're looking for love.

Suwinyattichaiporn says that in addition to using it as an opportunity to show off your personality or sense of humor, being clear about what you really want in your resume can help you identify inappropriate profiles. “Yes, you’ll get fewer matches — but quality trumps quantity,” she said. Although this may seem simple, it's also a good idea to define exactly what you want to get out of the game. "You can say 'Looking for a long-term relationship' or 'Not seeking a short-term or casual relationship.'" If that's your intention, you can also express sexual expectations more clearly, for example, "I don't do hookups" or "In sexual intimacy Emotional intimacy beforehand,” Suwinyattichaiporn tells Bustle.

4. Be clear about what kind of partner you are looking for

In addition to making it clear that you're looking for a relationship, Leadingham recommends adding some specific characteristics of what you're looking for in a partner to your profile. "If you're looking for a serious relationship, it's important to include at least three values," she says. "For example, you could say, 'family values,' 'willing to volunteer with me,' and 'passport with stamps.'" She also notes that you should include "Only look for LTRs" in your profile "statement of. Narrowing your field further, rather than casting a wider net, can help attract the people you want and reduce your chances of matching with someone you don't want.

A word of caution: While outlining your non-negotiables in your resume is a good step when looking for a relationship on a dating app, Leadingham warns that when you're crafting your resume, don't let yourself listen Comes up too tired or too demanding. "You shouldn't include anything negative in your profile. Too many singles make the mistake of saying "no drama" on their profiles, which sounds painful and may be a sign that they attract a lot of drama. topic. Focus on the positive words, like attracts like,” she said.

5. Send the right opening line

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Once your profile starts attracting potential suitors, it's time to start chatting. If you're looking for a partner, try reaching out to people you might have in common, says Ham, the leader. "One of the best ways to start a conversation is to find common ground by focusing on content on their profile that is relevant to you," she says. "It could be a travel photo or it could be something like 'being with family' that they've listed as one of their interests, so why not ask them how often they're in contact and what they like to do? It can help you better understand their reasoning and provide you with something to talk about later.”

As you craft the perfect opening, Leadingham also reminds you to keep the conversation flowing by asking open-ended questions. “When getting to know someone, it’s critical to ask questions that get more than just a yes or no answer,” she says. “Instead of asking, ‘Do you like the outdoors?’ Try asking, ‘What is your favorite activity? What are the things to do outdoors? ” This strategy can also help if you meet a great guy, but his texting style is a little boring.

6. Be intentional when delivering your message

Suwinyattichaiporn also encourages you not to shy away from being candid in your messages – in order to save you and your competition time and energy. "Outline what you're looking for by saying something like 'Hi!' I'm excited about our match. To be honest, I'm looking for someone who is a romantic, spiritual, sexual and financial match for them. A similar lifestyle and shared values. Does that fit your perspective?”

By all means, of course, do what works for you. Follow your gut, stick to your standards, and remember that you deserve any type of love you want.


Amie Leadham , Senior Certified Relationship Coach

Tara Suwinyattichaiporn , Ph.D., Professor of Sexual Communication at California State University, Fullerton and host of Dr. Tara’s Luvbites podcast