Even if you're not into BDSM role play, sometimes you just want to take control in the bedroom. Whether it's because you've had a bad day at work, your phone is off because you forgot to pay the bill, or your libido wants a change, sometimes you just want to walk into the bedroom, nudge your partner back into bed, and be super seductive Simply tell them, "I'm in charge in bed tonight." Even if you've been submissive in bed your whole life, sometimes something happens and suddenly only being on top is okay.
"Perhaps the easiest way to communicate the idea of dominance to your partner is to simply tell them, 'Tonight I'm going to be the dominant one,'" sex therapist Vanessa Marin writes for Bustle. "You can do it in the moment and be in control. Or you can introduce the idea when your partner is dominant, like, 'You're in control tonight, baby, but I have a surprise tomorrow night. Come to you.'"
When you really need to take control of the bedroom, you need a location to match. Want to take over as captain tonight? Here are nine sex positions that will put you in control.
1. sit on a chair
How to do it: First, have your partner with the penis or strap-on sit in a chair. Next, the person with the vagina straddles them and tells them that they will carry them for the rest of their lives. Or maybe some more convincing swear words.
Why this is a responsible position: When your partner is in the chair and you are on top, you are in control. You can tease, seduce, taunt, give them a lap dance, or just get down to business.
2. Ankle necklace
How to do it: For this move, the person with the vulva should lie on their back and have the partner with the penis or strap-on kneel down. From here, they will lift their lying partner's hips high enough to penetrate them. The lifted partner can rest their ankles on either side of the partner's neck and head.
Why this is a dominant position: While your partner controls how deep the lower half of your body can push, you can control your ankles. By squeezing them with your ankles in a sexy suffocating way, you actually take control of the situation. You can tell your partner how you want them to have sex with you, but if they don't comply, then they'll be put on an ankle necklace. If you're not ready yet, this is a fun way to try out a little power without getting completely into BDSM.
3. Lateral straddle
How to do it: Have the partner with the penis or strap-on lie down with one leg bent. The person with the vulva then sits astride that leg (facing outward) while lowering themselves onto the leg. This particular position works wonders for clitoral stimulation because people with vulvas can also rub their flexed legs while enjoying the sensation of penetration. This position can also be used without penetration if you prefer.
Why this is a controlling position: You have complete control over your orgasm. You decide when and how to orgasm. If you want to climax before your partner, this power is at the palm of your hand.
4. People with vulva on top
How to do it: As the name suggests, whoever is "charging" stands on it and continues to charge.
Why this is a responsible position: Well, you're doing "your thing," so it definitely means being responsible. There's also the fact that, similar to side-mounted straddling, you have complete control over your own and your partner's orgasms. It's a whole bunch of responsible things and then some.
5. Speaking while sitting
How to do it: The person in charge sits on a chair and spreads their legs wide enough so that their partner can get between their thighs and give them some proper blowjobs.
Why this is a responsible position: When you're sitting in a chair and your partner is on their knees pleasuring you, you're definitely the boss. As someone who doesn't really enjoy receiving oral sex, I actually like this position because I'm in charge and I can pull my partner closer or push away, leaving them begging for more. It's another intense game of who has more power.
6. Reversal of people on top
How to do it: Just like the person on top, but in this equation, the person on top will be facing their partner's feet. This allows for extra-deep penetration.
Why this is a responsible position: You're at the top, which immediately gives you the most control. You're also facing away from your partner, so there's a certain amount of teasing when you show them your backside. The combination of being on top and being able to tease is intoxicating because you know the position is irresistible. You may never want to play the submissive role again.
7. Lotus
How to do it: Have the partner with the penis or strap-on sit cross-legged, and then the vaginal partner straddles them, lowering themselves onto the shaft. From here, the person on top wraps their legs and arms around their partner.
Why this is a responsible position: Because your partner has you in their lap, you can twist, swivel, and grind to your heart's content. The lotus position is also great for building intimacy because you are so close physically and taking control of that intimacy can make things more intense. For the record, this is also considered a very good sexual intercourse position for your health.
8. Mutual masturbation
How to do it: Pick a spot where you both feel comfortable, and then everyone pretty much starts going to town on their genitals. Add as much eye contact or skin-to-skin contact as needed.
Why this is a responsible position: First, every time you masturbate, you're embracing your sexuality, and in doing so, you're in control of it. Second, when you and your partner masturbate to each other, you can tell your partner what you want them to do—and vice versa, of course.
9. Bounce Reverse Cowboy
How to do it: Have the partner with the penis or strap-on lie on their back with their legs straight. Next, the person with the vulva lowers himself onto them. While keeping the legs slightly bent, the person with the vulva begins to bounce or grind against their partner. Don't forget that the penis can break (some dildos can break, too!), so make sure you both communicate to avoid this.
Why this is a responsible situation: You bring pleasure to your partner on your terms while pleasing yourself. Win-win.
This article was originally published on September 12, 2016. Updated on August 21, 2019.
