The world is filled with Cinderella adaptations and films starring Anne Hathaway as a brave but clumsy princess, but there's only one Ella . Well - well, two actually. And, of course, there are Gail Carson Levine's charming novels featuring a strong heroine with a mastery of the language. There's also the movie "Ella Enchanted," about a girl who likes to break into the karaoke standards of the 1970s.
Although the two artworks share a name, the two diverge when you hear "Strange Magic" playing over the town of Freyr in the film version. Maybe that's why I have such a hard time digesting it. But, let me tell you: plot-wise, this is also about a girl named Ella who is cursed to be disobedient. She does meet the ogre, and a prince whose name is similar to Snow White 's name "Chamont." This is Canon.
It's everything else (and all the ways you can sidestep the problem with obeying the curse, let's be honest) that make the film confusing in some ways - yet everything else also makes it worth revisiting.
Maybe "celebrate" by rewatching? Well. Here are 24 of Ella Enchanted 's ridiculous moments in chronological order:
1. "Lucinda! She gave you the worst gift ever!"
Girl, please! One of my aunts gave me a turquoise, leopard print sequined dress (shirt?) that came in a plastic bag from a street vendor in Chinatown. I really doubt her taste is worse than that.
2. It doesn’t matter.
coin. Next comes some strong shadow casting.
3. "Only Mandy and I know about this gift. We never even told your father. And you must never tell anyone else. I don't want anyone to use it against you."
I can understand that it would be best for DL to keep obeying the curse, but I feel like putting this order (which she can't break) would put her in more danger. I'm just saying that if she could have given her best friend - or, you know, her father - a warning, 90% of the dangers in her life could have been avoided. In fact, she's unafraid when it comes to keeping secrets from Heidi and Oliver.
4. This facial hair
There are three different parts to this thing.
5. This CGI snake
What exactly is this? Why is this?
6. Kill the Ogres
First of all, Ella is that girl. Secondly, kill the ogre? A massive, systematic massacre of ogres? It's pretty dark for a children's movie, and most (if not all) viewers will probably have seen Shrek .
7. But these clothes
It just screams medieval meets finite, doesn't it?
8. Wait, are those glass sneakers in the background?
Call me crazy, but I think those are really hard to run into.
9. Why is the water here red? Is she in a bucket of cool aid?
Also, why is there a tub of Kool-Aid in the middle of the market?
10. What.
No.
11. "I forgot. Sir Edgar passed the Elf Restriction. Elves are not allowed to engage in any profession other than singing, juggling, and/or follies."
Will this movie make me care about elven civil rights? If this were a Harry Potter book, maybe I'd take it seriously, but...
12. Portrait of our brave heroine, mute, about to be eaten by an ogre
An inspiration to us all.
13. “No one should be forced to do something they don’t want to do. Take it from someone who knows.”
[walks away angrily]
14. “I have a dream that my life will be very different from the hell I’m living in now…”
No, but she did sing some Queen songs.
15. "Ella, this is my Uncle Edgar...and this is his scary CGI snake."
"Fascinating, I'm sure."
16. Okay, but are these really the clothes they made Ella take off?
rude.
17. Sir Edgar was a despicable bastard with a penchant for genocide who apparently left scars on his brother, making Ella do contrived things after discovering her obedience.
Yes, even she was a little confused about it.
18. Oh, and then he tells Ella that he killed his own brother, which was a very evil thing to do.
Like, you've kept it a secret for so long, why not keep it a secret?
19. OMG. She lets the elves chain her to a tree.
Also, why is there a bare tree in the middle of this beautiful flower field? What kind of agriculture does this kingdom have?
20. “Everyone loves my gifts.”
She said to the girl who was fucking the tree trunk so as not to kill her boyfriend.
21. “Ella Freire, will you marry me?”
"I mean, we actually met a week ago, but you look so good in that blue velvet suit..."
22. Ella then went to stab him in the heart, apparently in his back.
Then she ordered herself to disobey and everything would be fine?
Haven't Mandy and her mother thought of doing this a long time ago? Are you kidding me?
23. This giant and this elf are now a couple, so enjoy thinking about the logistics of their sex life.
This giant also happens to be Heidi Klum.
24. Then they all go sing “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” because why not.
I may have skipped that chapter.
Image: Walt Disney Pictures via Netflix (32)
