Sometimes, even when you're in the mood, it's hard to figure out what to say when sexting. Nervousness may take over, fear of sounding too cheesy. But that doesn't mean you can't turn yourself into a sexting genius with a little practice — or, you know, by pulling from a list of sexting creative examples online.
But before you figure out what to say to start a sexy conversation, it might help to know that sexting is very common. According to a 2019 study from the Sex, Sexual Health, and Sexuality Laboratory in the Department of Psychological Sciences at Texas Tech University, sexting is also a very good way to communicate your sexual desires to your partner—that is, all the things you really want to do Try something in bed but may be too nervous to talk about it face to face.
As doctoral student Kassidy Cox points out in the study, "People used to write love poems and passionate letters, and later when photography became more common, couples began writing for each other. Take boudoir photos." So it's only natural that sexting is the next trend. The evolution of communication, flirting, and foreplay between couples, and even Jack and Rose know what's going on ("Paint me as your French girl," anyone?).
Is sexting okay in a relationship?
The short answer is yes (usually). Dr. Carol Queen, a sex educator and staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, tells Bustle that sexting in a relationship is absolutely OK if the circumstances are right. On the one hand, you should trust that this person won't share this material with anyone even if you break up, and make sure that you both really want to do so. "It would be better if you talk specifically about sexting and agree on what counts as sexting, plus likes and limits," Quinn suggests. "If someone urges you to cross your boundaries, don't do it." Additionally, they stress that you must have your own phone—please don't use your work phone to sext your partner because your boss or HR person Feel free to scroll through your dirty messages.
Quinn also said to make sure you sext in private and without involving other people, "that is, in a place where your phone can be easily seen by those who would not consent to seeing the intimate or sexual material." ” Finally, Queen reminds porn fans that in most states, people under the age of 18 cannot legally send sexually explicit photos of themselves. "This will turn the answer from 'can it' to 'no', at least when it comes to photos." You and your partner must both be legal adults and mutually consent to the text messages you send and receive.
A 2019 study from Texas Tech University also noted that sexting isn't always about sex, but it can be a way for many couples to feel intimate and connected. You might turn to sexting to feel validation or relieve anxiety, which can come in handy when you're in a long-distance relationship and can't see each other. Whatever your reason for sexting, here are 50 examples of sexy messages you can send your partner to get a steamy conversation going.
Send sexy previews of upcoming events
"This is a great way to build excitement before a date or when you're reunited after one of you has been away," Quinn tells Bustle. If you're in a long-distance relationship, this accumulation of funny words will make your reunion that much more exciting. "This is actually a strategy that many sex therapists and sexologists recommend to people who need to add excitement to their sexual relationships," Quinn adds.
1. I want you to lie down tonight and let me take care of you.
2. You might like the clothes I’m wearing now.
3. I'll let you do anything you want to me.
4. I have a surprise waiting for you.
5. I'll make you beg for it.
6. I will make you work so hard.
7. My clothes fell off as soon as I got home.
8. I want you.
Text them your sexual request
Not only are these hot, but they're also super healthy avenues for sexual communication. "Sexting can actually be a bridge to talking directly with your partner about things that are important to you sexually," Quinn explains. "Even if you can't find the text in person, you can add your actual wishes and requests in the sexy text." You can then bring it up in person and tell them you mean what you say—just be careful, Don't get carried away and say you were disappointed by something in the text that actually made you uncomfortable in real life.
9. Tell me what you think when you masturbate.
10. I want you to kiss/touch my [choose a body part].
11. I need you in me now.
12. I want to watch you masturbate.
13. I want you to tease me until I can’t take it anymore.
14. Put it in your mouth.
15. Let me take control tonight.
16. Come here now.
Tell them what you like to fantasize about
"This is especially useful when you want to introduce fantasy... If you're the 'we can tell each other everything' type, this can provide a variety of erotic material (and narrative structure) for your sexting," Queen supply. But remember, you don't have to reveal all of your deepest fantasies. “It’s okay to keep them private,” she said.
17. I’m imagining you and me together with another person.
18. I love thinking about your arrival.
19. It’s so hot to imagine you tying me up.
20. I've been terrible.
21. That scene in [movie/TV show] was so hot.
22. I like to imagine you touching yourself.
23. I read an article today about the anus and it made me think…
Send them naughty, teasing text messages
Too hot for a long distance couple. "Like a sexy preview," says Quinn, "it helps increase your sexual arousal." It's a very fun and effective form of foreplay. "Teasing can also turn into kink play," Quinn adds, "if you're both into that."
24. I’m touching myself right now, thinking about you.
25. It’s a pity that you are not here now...
26. I like distracting you.
27.I'm soaked now.
28. I had a sexy dream about you last night.
29. I thought of something I wanted to do to you tonight...
30. I just took a shower.
31.I am too busy tonight. You can't have me until tomorrow ;)
Share memories of past steam nights
Quinn tells Bustle that reminiscing about the most poignant memories with your partner is a great way to build intimacy and relationship continuity. If you're the type of duo to tell each other all your secrets, "it also gets you started telling stories from the past," Quinn says. "But only do this if you're both very comfortable with it (and it can be done without revealing your ex's private information)."
32. I miss the feeling of you inside me.
33. Do you remember that time we [fill in the blank]?
34. I can't forget what happened last night.
35. I want you to do exactly what you did the last time we [fill in the blank].
36. I can’t imagine working so hard when you [fill in the blank].
Compliment them with flirty compliments
This is a great idea for anyone, but especially those who have a bit of a compliment fetish. "Who doesn't like to hear how sexy and awesome they are in bed?" said the Queen. "Use compliments to reinforce that you actually like them and have sex with them."
37. You always feel good in my heart.
38. I like staring at your [fill in the blank].
39. You make me wet.
40. I love the way you make me feel.
41. I have never been more attracted to other people.
42. Whenever I’m near you, I get so excited.
43. Anticipation is killing me.
44. I can’t satisfy you.
When you want to respond but can't think of what to say (or are too busy)
Sometimes, sexting thoughts don't get to the brain quickly enough, and it's hard to think of what to respond to in the spur of the moment—or maybe your partner is more interested in it and hard to match. Quinn suggests trying simple phrases like "Me too" and "I can't wait." "Then tell me about the next time you got together or the last time you had sex," they say. "Or look for compliments! "What are the three things you like most about me? "
45. This makes me very excited.
46. What else are you going to do to me?
47.What are you wearing now?
48. Tell me more.
49. I like it when you talk like that.
50. Your message upsets me.
More sexting tips
These sample text messages should cover almost any scenario and will help ease you into the world of sexting. But if you still feel unsure, feel free to adjust the lingo to stay within your comfort zone with the language.
Finally, you can always adjust the level of clarity, at least in the beginning. Swearing doesn’t have to be restricted to be sexy, and sometimes it’s actually more fun to be coy. For example, you could say, "Wait a minute and look at what I'm wearing under my work clothes," and leave it at that. Just like that, you and your partner are officially sexting.
Research references:
Drouin, M., Coupe, M., & Temple, J. R. (2017). Is sexting good for your relationship? it depends…. Computer Applications in Human Behavior, 75, 749–756. doi:10.1016/j.chb.2017.06.018
Yang, G. (n.d.). Texas Tech Today. Retrieved April 6, 2021, from https://today.ttu.edu/posts/2019/11/Stories/sexting-isnt-just-about-sex
source:
Carol Queen , Ph.D., sex educator and staff sexologist at Good Vibrations
