When you're truly friends with someone, you can do anything with them—and when you have someone you can do anything with, you'll probably spend money with them, too. But even among the closest friends, tensions can rise when cash is thrown into the mix due to factors like different budgets or different spending habits.
Although it is easy to say that money is not the object of friendship, this is not the case. The people you spend time with are inevitably the ones you spend your hard-earned money with, whether it's small purchases like drinks, Uber rides and coffee, or larger purchases like lavish birthday parties, group vacations and weddings financial investment.
Granted, money is a sensitive topic—it's the number one cause of conflict among married couples—so it can be uncomfortable to deal with. Even if you can open up to someone, you might still have a hard time discussing which restaurants you can afford for a girls' night out.
Bustle asked nearly 250 readers about money etiquette, from how salary differences affect their friendships to the three most taboo financial topics. Read on to learn some rules inspired by these reader responses that can help take the awkwardness out of cash transactions.
Don’t send Venmo requests to your best friends for less than $10
According to interviewees, good friends know how to take turns recommending small items to each other—such as a cup of coffee or money for transportation.
Nearly 90% said they would never ask a friend for anything less than $10, and 47% said the same about anything less than $20. Close friends can look out for each other and understand that the next small purchase will be made by another person. “It all balances out in the end,” one person said.
You shouldn't feel like you have to fill in for someone new. “As [friendships] become more peripheral, that’s when I feel comfortable asking/being asked for something in return.”
Kindly remind your friend that it’s okay to pay them back
If your friend hasn't paid you back in a while, it's not a bad idea to remind them. You can do this by sending a reminder on Venmo (or your favorite app), but some people think it shouldn't be awkward to send a quick text asking.
"I'll text them and say, 'Ah, I don't want to be a burden, but just in case you forgot, can you Venmo me for XYZ?'" one person said. Another suggested wording like, "Hey can you send me this, I need it to pay my credit card bill," or "Hey, working on my budget, when do you think you can pay it back Give me x amount of money?" '"
Sorry, last minute cancellations are non-refundable
Group travel is a big financial commitment, so if you say you're going to go, do your best to keep your word. Nearly 45% of respondents believe that if you cancel a trip at the last minute, you should still be responsible for the hotel or accommodation costs that have been discussed. If costs are spread in multiple ways, one person's withdrawal could significantly increase the price for everyone.
Not only that, but the accommodation location is likely to be chosen early in the planning stages to accommodate everyone - for example, one person may need to book a second hotel room. Of course, issues like these need to be considered on a case-by-case basis (36% said the likelihood of a refund depends on the reason for cancellation), so communication is ultimately key.
Travel with a group and negotiate the money in advance
Traveling with friends can end up costing a fortune, so transparency is the most important thing in the planning process. Nearly 67% of respondents said their friend groups are very candid about the cost of group vacations. Having these conversations early, before booking an Airbnb or making dinner reservations, can make a big difference.
"Make sure you're on the same page and make sure there's no built-up frustration... If your friend wants you to spend money you don't have, be honest," one respondent said. "If you can't be a little vulnerable, are they still your friend?"
Try not to let the salary difference affect your friendship
57% said their close friend group has different salaries, and 63% said their friends have different spending habits. This may cause occasional tension.
"A person's income and willingness to spend affects what you do. In my relationship, people thought I could spend a lot of money, but having to challenge the status quo made me uncomfortable and anxious," one person said. "It's hard not to be jealous or judgmental of a friend's purchases/money when your lives or incomes start to diverge," another said.
Another respondent said they knew they earned more than their friends and kept this in mind when making plans: “As the higher-earning friend of the group, I’m known to always try to be generous and considerate of other people’s circumstances when it comes to spending. ” Ultimately, as one respondent put it, as long as there is “open and honest communication in friendships around money,” there shouldn’t be any issues.
Yes, you (probably) still need to give gifts at your destination wedding
Couples who ask wedding guests to pay for travel to their wedding destination should probably temper their gift expectations. They might get something, but 72% thought it would likely be smaller than what would be given away if the celebration was held nearby.
Thoughtful gifts don't have to be expensive, either: "I think I would give a small gift at a destination wedding like an embroidered pillowcase or something cute instead of cash," one person said.
Never talk about these three things
While some people believe there should be no limits between best friends, others disagree. When it comes to how much you spent on gifts, you can keep this information to yourself - letting them know how much their gift cost may come off as tacky and may give them a clue as to how much they should have spent on the gift. Come unexpected pressure. you.
The majority (55%) said they would never share their partner's salary with friends, and 50% thought it was wrong to discuss the intimate details of an inheritance, so there's nothing wrong with keeping these things on the table. D.L.
